Let'em Off the Hook...

Relationships!  We've all got them.  We all struggle with them.  Whether it's a boyfriend or girlfriend, Mom or Dad, Sibling, Spouse, Children.  We struggle.

Compromise!  Compromise is one of those words that none of us like to hear when it's in reference to us having to do so.  Oh we'll whip it out in regards to someone else's life.  But don't say it in reference to mine.

Understanding!  Understanding is tricky.  Because we will allow for understanding in certain circumstances.  But when we've been hurt or emotionally challenged.  All attempts at understanding go out the window.

Since being back in NY I've had many relationships reintroduced back into my life that used to not be so close.  And by so close I mean so involved.  So there.  So in your face. Some relationships were already challenging even when at a distance.  So when the Lord chooses to now make them front and center again, I pay attention.  One of the things I've learned with having many relationships come, go and then come again, is that when the Lord takes them away or brings them back it's for a reason.  It's for a purpose.  It's all for your benefit and for His glory, if you'll let Him show you.

Since being back in NYC I've also learned some other things as well.  I've learned to look deeper than the surface.  I've learned that even in the most challenging of relationships you've got that relationship to teach you something.  Now I'm not talking about abusive or harmful relationships of that nature.  I am thankful to never have encountered such.  So I would never attempt to speak towards that.  But I have had my share of relational challenges to overcome.

I've also learned that there's always a story and that there's always more to the story.  I've learned not to respond or take things at face value.  Go deeper.

In this time back in the NYC, I've had an opportunity to work on relationships that have challenged me most of my adult life.  One of the things that I've learned is I'm not the only one that's hurt.  You know the old saying "hurt people hurt people".  It's true.  But we need to go deeper in that saying.

Someone very close to me said something to me this past week that made me realize something.  Even in the relationships that have been the most challenging to me, the person was giving me the best that they knew to give.  Wow!!  That one phrase was like the final puzzle piece for me.

See I'm not the only one that's been hurt.  Other's have as well and even though they may be aware that they were hurt all they can give to others is a better attempt at what they received.  And that better attempt is the love, is the care, is the relationship.

It's helped me understand so much more.  It's made me take a look at all my relationships that I've struggled with and it's liberated me from having to make sense of why they didn't respond to me how I thought they should.  It's freedom and I know it's just going to get better going forward.

So this this week in the spirit of Thanksgiving and a heart of understanding do those relationships a favor and...

Let'em Off the Hook!

Who Our Daddy Is...

So today my girls had their first dance class.  I was so excited to take them this morning, however getting there was going to be a little different then what we were used to.  We were going to have to take two city buses as opposed to just hopping in our car and zipping off.  Needless to say my girls were way more excited about it then I was because they have done this before with grandma. Twice before actually, so now they are pro's. It's been about 13 yrs since I've been on any kind of public transportation.  So they were more than happy to guide me in case I got lost or turned around. Lol!!

My father has been a bus driver for the NYC Transit Authority for over 30 years.  He is highly respected and well known amongst his peers.  I find that when I get on the bus there is this certain attitude that automatically overtakes me.  I feel more confident. I feel like the bus drivers need to be nice and respectful to me because if not I'll be sure and let my daddy know.  I feel like a person of importance because of who he is and because  of my relation to him.

I found myself somewhat surprised by this attitude only because up until the bus pulled up I had been nervous about traveling by myself with my girls.  But as soon as those doors opened and I saw the familiar uniform, there came the confidence.  I started thinking about this in regards to my heavenly Daddy.  What attitude should I have because of my relationship to Him?

I should have an attitude that reflects confidence.  I should have an attitude that says, you know what it doesn't matter what you do or say to me, my Daddy will take care of it.  I should feel like a person of importance.  Because of Who My Daddy Is!

Now I'm not talking about Arrogance or Pride.  I'm talking about a Confident Lifestyle.  My confidence on the bus comes from my knowledge of who my earthly daddy is.  The knowledge of his reputation as a trustworthy and respectable employee and person.  I know his characteristics.  I know his nature.  I know his ways.   

Now as we get to know our Heavenly Daddy and understand His ways, His nature, His truths this same confidence will automatically overtake us. I mean I'm talking about Our Daddy who owns all the cattle on a thousand hills.  So we know our provision is Set.  I'm talking about Our Daddy Who says that by His stripes we are healed.  So we know we don't have to accept a single diagnosis of anything that comes our way.  I'm talking about Our Daddy who says that His mercies are new every morning.  So we know that just because we didn't get it right yesterday My Daddy in His love, gives me the opportunity to try again.  I'm talking about Our Daddy who says He orders our steps and knows the plans He has for us.  So we don't have to tread in fear because He will use it all to His glory as long as we surrender.  I'm talking about Our Daddy who can heal with one touch of the hem of His garment.  Our Daddy who is our refuge and strength and an ever present help in times of trouble.  I'm talking about our Daddy who speaks and it is done.  Our daddy who conquered hell and the grave.  Our Daddy who took on our sin and suffered a death no words can describe all for the love of you and me.  And we get to call Him Daddy and Abba Father.

What can He not do?  Whom shall we fear?  What should we be worried about?  How can we not be confident in the truth.  In the truth of...

Who Our Daddy Is...

Click Here: Be Encouraged and Remember Who Our Daddy Is

Stand Out...

Matthew 25:40 -  And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’

First I just want to say I love our church.  We have such an amazing church family that has adopted us in during our stay here in the NYC.  This morning while I should have been sleeping I had the Tye Tribbett song "Stand Out" blaring in my mind.  I love love love this song.  Not to mention you can burn a quick 300 calories getting your dance on to it.  That's my jam. Lol!  But while Tye is talking about not conforming to this world in the area of compromising our beliefs and standing for the truth, the Lord kept hitting me with something else.  How much would we Stand Out if we truly reflected the love of Christ?

My grandmother was rushed back to the hospital Thursday afternoon.  It's been an emotional time for our family.  But what has made it easier is the love of Christ reflected through our church family.  The phone calls, text messages and emails of encouragement and prayers have been a true blessing.  But that's not all that they've done.  One member called me immediately after finding out and just prayed with me.  She, in the middle of her day, just dropped everything and just engaged in battle for my grandmother and for our family.  We both cried and prayed and cried and prayed.  I'm so thankful for her and the reflection of Christ love that she is.

Another one of our church members had let us know that if we needed her to watch the girls call her at any time.  It did not matter when.  Roger and I ended up having to leave for the hospital at midnight Friday morning.  So when we called she went right into action.  She got dressed and with nook in hand she was getting in her car at midnight (yes she had to work the next morning) to come and sit with our kids.  Just so Roger and I could be at the hospital with grandma.  The love of Christ.  

Another church member, who had been calling, texting and praying with us through out the day, called right before Roger and I left for the hospital and asked if we could pick her up on the way.  She wanted to be there with us.  I did mention that it was midnight right?  We did pick her up and she sat with us till almost 4 am.  Again, the love of Christ.

Another church member called Friday morning and simply offered to drive my mother where ever she needed to go for the day.  She sat with her at the hospital.  Gave my mom and grandmother some great laughs.  Went shopping for my grandmother.  Brought her a smorgasbord of food.  Then took my mother to run a few errands after leaving the hospital.  Once again, The love of Christ

But even in the midst of this all the phone calls, text messages and emails never stopped.  Still, The love of Christ.  I had many experiences in my life but this week will be unforgettable.  Yes, partly because of the emotion that comes with watching my grandmother transition  and being here to actually experience this with her.  But also because of the actions of the people I have listed above.  That's a life of surrender.  That's a life of obedience.  That's a life that desires to truly reflect Christ love.

I remember telling someone last week that I love how when we get out of church we stand in the street saying our goodbyes and kissing, hugging and saying our I love you's too each other.  The church is in a perfect location.  People are always on the street, standing on the corners or driving past.  They see all this going on.  The church "Stands Out".  Seeing the outpouring of love for each other makes them "Stand Out".  As well as the outpouring of love shown to people as the church members walk down the street and say hello and engage in conversation makes them "Stand Out".  The love of Christ is a life changing love.  That combined with the body of Christ in action is a beautiful thing.  So don't be afraid to "Stand Out".  We are called to do so.  Matthew 5:14-16 - “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.  

So do not conform,  do not compromise but in all things Serve Well and Love Well.  A life lived for, and reflective of Christ will always...

Stand Out...

Honesty...

It's been some what of a rough week.  This past Friday, 2 of our really good friends from TN came to visit.  It was a very quick few hour visit while they were in town for a work conference.  It ended much too soon and I miss them dearly.  Then Saturday my grandmother was rushed to the hospital.  She could barely breath and was unable to stand.  Sunday morning started out as a perfect morning in that all four members of our family were ready for church with time to spare.  That like never happens.  Just for us to get downstairs and discover that overnight someone had smashed our car window in.  Then the migraines.  Oh the migraines.  That's actually why I am up right now blogging at 12:10 am.  I've been in bed since 9:30 but can not sleep because of the intensity of this migraine.  I've had one almost everyday this week.  I've found that it's been very difficult to take my thoughts captive.

I think I've said before that this blog is totally the Lords.  I blog only when He releases me too.  This blog has been very healing for me and this is one of those times for honesty.  I write to heal.  It's not my soul desire to have a lot of followers or thousands reading daily.  It's just whatever God wants.  It's only a matter of obedience to me.  This blog was started as a step of faith.  Today that faith feels a little shaken.  God never promised us that anything in this life would be easy.  He just promised to be there every step of the way.  I'm missing a lot of things this week.  It's making for an emotional week.  It's hard when God removes the familiar to launch you into something better.  Especially when the better part doesn't happen immediately.  There's still a little bit more of a processing time before the download of the blessing can be complete.

I can hear the whisper of the Lord saying hold on my child, I am here.  Don't give up.  You are so close.  I've given up so many times before and refuse to let go of the hem of His garment.  I'm just having one of those times where I'm having to fight to believe that this is not forever.  That trials don't come to stay they come to pass.  That He that has started a good work in me is faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.  That there is no condemnation.  That nothing can separate us from His love.  That I am the head and not the tail.  That I'm pressed but not crushed, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.  Remembering 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever. MSG

So I'm letting it go.  I'm going to rest in His promises.  I'm going to rest because I can.  He's given me an exit strategy.  He's given me a get out of the mind jail free card.  It's found in.  Phillipians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  Also in Romans 8:26 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.  The battle is not ours, it's the Lords.  His shoulders are better equipped to handle it then mine.  So I think I'm going to let myself off the hook and plop down at the Father's feet and let it all go. 2 Corinthians 3:17 For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  Then get up and with the grace of the Father Move Forward...

Thanks for listening and allowing me to be Honest.  I'm attaching a song that has always always encouraged me in times like this.  It just reminds me of how much the Father is in love with me.  In love with us.  In everything He does He is screaming that He loves us and this song is just such a great reminder of that.  Be blessed.

Cory Asbury - Everything You Do (Remember, He's In Love With Us)

Go Get It (A Personal Conviction)...

So today's blog is going to be a little different.  But I'm realizing it's definitely an act of Courage  This one is about accountability and support for me.  I've struggled with my weight on and off for most of my adult life.  Once I had my girls that catapulted me into pounds  that I never thought I would see.  At my heaviest I was 345 lbs.  Today I'm 316 lbs.  Better but definitely no where near where I should be at 34 years of age and a 5'10" frame.  Health has always been important to me.  I am very cautious with what I allow my kids to have and both have always been a healthy weight.  But I'm realizing that most of their healthy living has been based on a do as I say not as I do situation.  I can and need to do better.

Over the last couple of weeks I've been hit a lot in my spirit with a desire to take care of myself better.  What ever the Lord has purposed for my life it should be a desire of mine to keep myself healthy to achieve every goal He has for me.  I don't want to limit myself because of my packaging. I want to go where ever and do whatever the Lord desires  for me.

For my family I want to be an example.  My oldest knows that I'm obese and she's always making comments that let me know that she is concerned about my well being.  I don't want to cause my kids to ever worry.  But I know that they are concerned for me.  Also I  miss out on so much because of my weight.  I don't take pics with them as often as I should because I'm not happy with the way that I look.  They run and play and jump and I can't.  I'm tired of that.  I'm 34 and desire an active life with my family.

On top of that my weight has started affecting my health in many different areas.  From blood pressure to inflammation to swelling and an increase in migraines.  I'm done.  I'm tired of being robbed of life and living it to the fullest.  So it's time to start making some changes.

Hence why I'm blogging about it.  I said in the beginning of this blog I wanted accountability and support.  Every 2 wks I will post an update as to my progress.  Once a month I will post a new pic for you to see my progress.  If you don't see a post from me I plan to hear from you about it. =^)  Now don't go into attack mode on me.  This is a process and not the easiest thing to do.  But I'm determined to succeed.  I've always said I want to be my most fit and healthiest by the time I'm 40.  I will be 35 next month.  The time is now.

For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right. Psalm 84:11.  I'm standing on God's promises for my life.  I am trusting that God will honor my heart's desire in this and help me achieve my goal of a healthier life.  Understand my goal is not to get skinny.  It's for a healthier life. I'm pursuing health first.  The weight loss is an added bonus.

Here's a pic of me of me at my current weight of 316 lbs.  Along with 3 of my reasons for giving it my all.  My family.  With God's help, my dedication, my family and your prayers and support this will be my last pic posted at 316 lbs.  Whoo hoo!!  

Also anyone who wants to go for this with me I welcome you to join me.  We can support each other and pray each other through this.  

Go Get It...

Surrender...

So all day Monday the Lord just kept repeating the word Surrender over and over in my head.  Nothing came along with it.  Just that word.  I figured there was something the Lord planned on showing me, so be on the look out.  But it wasn't going to come in a way that I was used to hearing from the Lord.  I looked up the definition and realized it has a very negative connotation to it. To give up into the power of another.  To give oneself over to something.  Who likes giving up control?   Later on that evening the Lord brought back to remembrance a song Roger and I used to sing that we've not sung in a while.  The words simply say the following:

Where You go I go

What You say I say, God

What You pray I pray

I decided to look up the song to see why the Lord brought this back to remembrance.  The first line of the verse was the answer I was looking for. It says, "How can I expect to walk without You.  When every move that Jesus made was in Surrender."  Every move that Jesus made was in Surrender.  So how have I gone through my life not realizing that surrendering is an every second of every day part of this Christian life.  Ok God, you've got my attention.  What else?

I went to bed and at about 3 am the Lord just started downloading examples of surrender in my life.  I'm going to share them with you exactly how He showed them to me.

1. I've been a germaphobe most of my adult life.  But about a year ago because of circumstances in my life my germaphobic tendancies became hightened.  The more out of control I felt the more I felt a need to clean, disinfect and organize.  I didn't like it.  I said Lord, for who I am and who you have called me to be for the kingdom these germaphobic tendancies have got to go.  I was willing to do whatever it took to release this over to the Lord.  Shortly after the Lord brought a lady into my life who needed help.  She, like me, due to situations in her life had allowed her home to get out of control.  She had only let 1 other person in to see it.  I offered to come over regularly and help her through the process of physically and emotionally letting go.  I decided to surrender and allow God to work through me in the life of this individual.  Because of that the Lord has blessed me with opportunities to love on some that might be deemed unloveable.  They may not smell good.  They may not be the cleanest.  But because I surrendered this behavior to God and seized His opportunity to be released from it, I don't think about anything else but hugging them, loving them and being a representation of Christ to them.

*Surrender Your Self Imposed Limitations*

2. Last week I was sick, tired and the enemy just said this is the ideal time to hit her with  (reality). lol!! I wasn't reading, praying of seeking the Lord like I should, so I just hung out in the valley.  By Saturday things started looking up or I should say I started looking up.  On Sunday my Pastor asked me to give a word on the prayer line Tuesday evening.  Here's the deal I could have said no because I didn't feel spiritual enough because of the week i just had.  But all last week the Lord kept popping up the scripture Trust in the Lord with all thy heart.  Lean not on your own understanding.  Trust and Surrender go hand in hand.  I know my Pastor asked me but who was really the one asking.  God presented me with the opportunity and I saw Him in that moment, not my Pastor.  I looked at him and said Ok, Ok.  God doesn't see what I see.  He doesn't require me to know everything.  He doesn't require that I feel spiritually adequate to do something for Him.  He just wants me to Surrender and to depend on Him.

You don't have to know all the answers.  The answers you need will be there when you need them and the answers that are not given would either hinder you if you had them or scare you because you are not at the appropriate level to receive them.  If the Lord presents you with an opportunity, know that you are already equipped for the task whether you feel it of not.

*Surrender any beliefs that you need to have all the answers before God can use you*

3. Florida, Oh Florida.  You know the story.  If not read my past blogs and you'll hear all about it.  The Lord just reminded me about our 2011 journey and finally being at a place where we were believing God for our best.  Our move to FL was going to be the start of great things. But instead we ended up back in NYC.  Now you have to understand all my life I swore to leave NYC and never move back.  I have never been a fan of The City.  So it was a devastating blow to believe for my best and be hit with what I felt was my worst.  But I had a' choice to make.  I could have gone with the woe is me, angry at the world, everyone does me wrong approach.  Or the I'm going to create my own opportunity come hell of high water and completely take God out of the equation method.  Because I've struggled with both many many times in my life.  But instead I chose to Surrender.  I told God that I wanted to choose joy in this place.  I know FL is for some point in my life.  But it's not my right now.  But this is and I trust you and receive all that you want to do and have for me here.  And ya'll the stuff He's been doing and showing and growing and maturing and stretching me in has all been so so so worth it.

*Surrender your desire to have God's will for your life look the way you think it should look*

4. The last one concerns what I mentioned a ways up.  God woke me up with the 1st example of these downloads at 3am.  At first I said, "I'll remember it when I wake up.  Then I said, "No, I've been down this road too many times to not know better."  I got up, grabbed my phone and started typing.  I wrote down the first example, laid back down and about 15 min later the next example came.  I got up and did the same.  About 15 min later the same thing happened and I responded the same way.  I got my phone and typed. I didn't argue.  I was tired.  But why would I dare limit what God wants to say to me or through me to my time frame.

*Surrender your need for comfortable obedience.*

I'm excited about living a life of surrender.  I'm excited that God is introducing me to the me He desires for me to be.  The me that He see's.  Allow Him to do the same for you.

Surrender...
If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your 
life go, you will save it. Luke 17:33 NLT

Put Down the Worry Wand...


Philippians 4:19 - And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.


I just need to give God praise in my blog post today.  I hope this encourages you to know how much in the palm of His hand you are.


If you've been reading this blog from the start you know this journey started with a physical move to Jacksonville, FL. you know that it's been a journey of faith and that Jacksonville was an outward manifestation of an inward journey that we are still very much on.  Even though we were in Jacksonville for 2 mos. and then the Lord brought us back to NY because of events beyond our control (we were robbed), we are still very much on the journey to Jacksonville and what Jacksonville represents to us personally according to what the Lord has shown us.  But that is not for today.  That's another post for another day.  Today I want to give God all my praise.  


Roger and I both have been unemployed since the end of January.  He had brief employment in J'ville in March.  But you know that was lost due to us being robbed.  I'm writing about this today because we had something happen yesterday  that was truly awesome and it made me realize that our family, even in these tough economic times, have wanted for nothing.  God has provided every step of the way.

Here's what happened.  This week financially things have kind of hit a low.  Nothing terrible.  It's just the type of thing where you feel the squeeze a little bit.  Anyway, praise God, Roger was hired to start a job this Saturday (Today).  By Thursday morning we realized we had no gas and no money to get any gas for him to get to work.  We also were suppose to be at church Thursday night.  In obedience to the Lord we drove to church Thursday night on E trusting he would provide.  You can see from my previous post we would have missed out on something amazing had we not been obedient.  We got to and from church with no problem.  According to His riches in Glory...


So that brings us to Friday.  Roger is due to start work Saturday and we still have no gas and no money for gas.  But if you would have seen us on Friday.  Even those who saw us at church on Thursday, you would have never known.  We've seen God's hand of provision over our family.  It came down to this.  If God provided this job for Roger, He would provide a way for Roger to get there.  Once we said that we never spoke about it again.  We just rested in the Truth that is our God.


Yesterday afternoon Roger received a phone call asking him to come downstairs because it was important.  He went down and when he came back up he handed me a card that was given to him.  The card read as follows:


Dear Sharkiesha and Roger
This has been on my heart now for a while, to sow more than words into your life.  I didn't know the form at first, it would take.  Then when I did, I didn't know the amount it would be.  Then when I did, I didn't know when.  But as I waited on the Lord He just kept revealing one step after another until it was done.  And so my children in Christ, I will sow $50 a month for gas.  I know this will help you and Roger in doing and getting to the place where you need to be.


There was more, but that's just for our family.  There was also $50.  When I called to say thank you and share what they had just done for our family, what I heard back was so awesome and why I had to write this today.  I was told " See what the Lord does when you choose to put down the worry wand and just trust."  It hit me once that was said that this was different.  When we received the money, I did not have this sensation of a load being taken off.  I did not feel that sigh of relief or like a burden had just been lifted.  It was different.  I felt like I finally understood an attitude of expectation.  Philippians 4:19 - And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.  We expected for God to come through if this was His will for our lives.  So why worry.  We've learned in this journey to surrender it all to Him.  If it's for us it will be.  If it's not something better is in store.  So what's the point in fretting.


I wanted to share this with you today first and foremost to give God all the glory because He is so so worthy.  But then I also wanted to encourage you. Cast all your care upon Him, because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).  He truly does.  He's aware of your every need.  He knows your needs better than you do.  So completely release whatever it is to Him.  Trust the one who knows the plans He has for you and says they are to prosper you and not harm you.  They are to give you a future and a Hope (Jeremiah 29:11).  Hold on to every part of that verse.  Don't lose Hope.  Psalm 37:25 tells us that the righteous will never be forsaken, not his descendants begging bread.  So choose Hope and Peace and...

Put Down the Worry Wand...

Let My Life Be the Proof...

So I said in my last blog post that I would probably have more to say about understanding that we are a spirit in a body as opposed to vice versa.  I honestly believe that the Lord is going to be revealing more and more about this in the days to come,  because it's rocked my world.

I'll give you an example.  Tonight we had prayer at church.  I honestly did not feel like going.  After school with the girls and house work I was just worn out.  But I had not felt that way until the only thing left for me to do for the day was to go to church.  I had been alert and awake  all day until it was time to go to church.  I went back and forth in my head about whether I should go or stay home.  Did my spirit need rest or to be refreshed?  This is a new way of questioning for me since the Lord speaking about us being spirit first.  I decided to go with refreshed and not to give in to the fatigue of my body.  I'm so glad I did.  

It was rough getting out of the door.  Attitudes started rising up among our family.  Complaints started happening.  Roger looked at me and said "If the enemy is making it this hard for us just to get there, I wonder what awaits tonight."  We got in the car and that's when everything was different.  

You know how us Christians will say look with your spiritual eyes, not your natural eyes.  Or when confronted by a negative person someone will say don't look at the person, look at the spirit behind the person.  Well when you don't live you life spirit first, what does any of that mean?  Today I rode to church and it hit me that all of us, believer and unbeliever are spirit first.  The unbeliever's spirit just currently resides in a rebellious body.  I was so deeply saddened by this that when I got to church it was all I could feel.  I was grieved within my spirit.  There was no plan for me to speak at church but the Lord had a different plan.  He had a sister ask me if I had anything to share and this is what  ended up coming forth tonight within our group.

My spirit ached for the other spirits out there held captive in an unbelieving vessel.  If you see yourself and others as spirit first, it changes your perspective on being a witness.  It gives you the ability to be an effective witness.  Because you then see how our battle is not against flesh and blood.  When the Lord leads you into an opportunity to witness, console, love on or forgive, you have a better understanding of how to do so correctly because you are dealing with the spirit of that person.  That's what responds.  That's why we have to be sensitive and obedient to the spirit.  Because these moments are so important.

Living a life where the spirit is in charge does cause a difference in you.  I think that's why when the world looks at us currently they no longer see much of a difference.  We've got to get this right.  We've got to become kingdom minded people again.  Do we really desire for God to be first and all that comes with that choice?  I'm not talking about  the looking perfect, make sure your always in your Sunday best, Squeaky clean image, never seen without a smile fake kind of stuff.  I'm talking about genuine love, genuine compassion, genuine joy, unwavering obedience and serving. When you live in the spirit and the spirit is truly in control this just flows.  

I'm tired of being a christian with no power.  I'm tired of get caught up in the things of this fallen world.  I'm tired of choosing this place everyday as my home when the bible tells me it's not.  I'm tired of accepting the lies of the enemy about who I am because I'm comparing myself to so and so and so and so.  I'm tired of my mind wreaking havoc on my life.  I'm making a choice to live who I AM.  Spirit first.  It's a new day.  A new mind set.  I love the Lord with every ounce of my being.  I am who He says I am.  It's time to get back to basics.  Learn the word, Search the word.  See what He says about life in the spirit and  decide to follow.  It's time for the world to see a difference in us and start desiring what we've got instead of us desiring what they've got.

Let Our Lives Be the Proof...

Spirit Starved or Spirit Led...

Romans 8:6 - The mind governed by the flesh is death, but mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.

First I want to start out by saying that this blog is strictly about things I'm learning on this journey called life.  I never want anyone to feel like I'm casting judgement or shame.  I am literally writing what I myself am learning from day to day.  I am passionate about the people of God discovering their fullest potential and complete freedom in Christ.  

With that said last night the Lord started speaking to me about life in the Spirit and what it should look like.  It wasn't a full thought just a little mini download that started me thinking that it would probably be my next blog post.  A few hours later I came and sat outside with my husband, who is not known for being much of a talker.  But last night while I sat in silence, which is something I'm not known for being, lol,  he just started talking to me about a starved Spirit.  I knew this was just a confirmation of what the Lord had started revealing to me.

Here's what I'm thinking about.  We do so much on a regular basis to take care of our fleshly body.  We feed it when it's hungry.  Bathe it when it's dirty.  Sleep when it's tired.  Vacation when it needs rest.  We lose ourselves in games or tv when we need to decompress.  Throw in a little bit of shopping therapy to make us feel better.  We'll even bungie jump to feel a sense of being alive again.  We do what we need to do to make sure our fleshly body feels good and is not deprived.  We live a life where our brain and common sense is in control, but what about a spirit controlled mind?  What would that look like?  Maybe that's why some of us in Christ feel lost or have no direction.  Who's been doing the leading?

Have we forgotten the fact that we are a spirit first before a fleshly body?  Just think about that for a second.  You ARE a spirit in a fleshly body. I just wonder if we actually got this and the power that is in that truth how much would it impact our lives.  What if we lived spirit first?  What if it was more of a priority to take care of our spirit first over our fleshly man? What would that look like?  I know for me just this thought alone has already given me a different perspective on how I live this life from day to day.  I think if we got this right the things that we do for our fleshly body would even improve beyond what we are currently doing.  

But even beyond that.  For the Kingdom of God.  What if we lived the way we were suppose to, spirit first.  What would that look like for the kingdom?  Maybe less of a desire to take care of ourselves first and more of a desire to help our fellow man.  Maybe a deeper love for God, family, ourselves and friends than we ever thought possible.  Maybe a more satisfied life, because I think a lot of us right now are not satisfied with our current life and are trying things to make our bodies and minds feel better while our spirit continues to starve.  Maybe then when we say God may you increase and I decrease, we could truly mean it and live it.

I have a feeling I'll be writing about this some more, because this has really changed mine and Roger's perspective on so much.  Maybe we are just late and everyone else has perfected a truly spirit led life.  But I don't think that's the case.  I think if we really thought long and hard about us as a spirit it would revolutionize our entire thought process and how we live from day to day.  So I'm going to leave you with this.  Here are 2 verses among many that give us an idea of what a spirit led life should look like. 

Colossians 3:1-2 - Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not earthly things.

1 Corinthians 2:14-16 - But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.  But he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is rightly-judged by no one.  For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct Him?  But we have the mind of Christ.

Just think about it and answer these question for yourself.  What does your life look like if you saw yourself as a spirit first in a fleshly body as opposed to a body with a spirit?  What is your spirit in need of?  You've now been informed that it is the priority, not your fleshly man.  So you now know it is of utmost importance to take care of yourself...Spirit!  Has it been starving or has it been leading?  Who's really been in charge? It's time to stop neglecting who we truly are.

Be Spirit Led not Spirit Starved...

Love'em While We Got'em...

So last night I had a slumber party.  Yes a 34 yr. woman can still have a slumber party.  It was with my mother and my 78 yr old grandmother who was diagnosed with cancer in 2008.  According to her doctors it's a miracle that she is even still here.  Most people with her type of cancer at her age do not survive as long as she has.  She is currently 76 lbs and growing by the grace of God.  If God brought us back from FL for this time, just for last night alone, it was so worth it.  This is what made me decide to write about this today.  I lived in TN for 13 yrs.  My grandmother and I have always been very very close.  I often refer to her as my heart.  I adore her.  But it hasn't been easy seeing her diminish after her cancer diagnosis in 2008.  

My grandmother before diagnosis was a spunky, 135 lbs, 5'2" little spitfire.  There is no one in my family that has made me laugh like her.  She has a no holds barred personality that I have always loved.  As the cancer progressed her voice changed and it became harder for her to speak on the phone.  So we didn't talk as much.  Eventually not talking as much became part of the norm.  My mom updated me if there was anything urgent going on. I would also call her directly on occasion.  None of this was intentional.  The closeness of our relationship just kind of changed over time.

Eventually her 135 lb frame went down to the 70's even 60's at one point.  Her heavy raspy voice became a high pitched whisper.  The one who had always prayed, hoped and believed and encouraged me to do the same, did not have that same exuberance anymore.   This wasn't the grandma that I remembered.  I think when you are away from the reality of a situation it's a little easier to not face it or be affected by it.  I think that's what I did.  I did not face it and just went on with life as normal.

I'm so glad the Lord did not let me miss this.  She's still here and now I'm here.  I am determined to love her while I've still got her.  I thank God that I did not miss this time.  I thank God that He knew me better than I knew myself and stopped me.  He knew if I did not take the time to stop life and love on her, I would have ached if never getting the chance.

I wanted to write this today and be open and honest as I try to in all my post.  I wanted to encourage somebody to not let an opportunity pass you by.  Whether it's a situation like my grandmothers or a relative or friend healthy, happy and safe at home, Love'em while you Got'em.  We take the people in our life for granted sometime.  They've always been there and they are just a part of our norm.  I want more than that.  I want the unforgettable slumber party that goes on till 3 in the morning.  I want the unforgettable laughs.  I want the memory of my grandmother looking at me and telling me 4 times before I said goodbye that she was so so glad that I was back and that we had this time.  I want that.  I want more and If we take the time to love more I believe the Lord will honor that with some of the best memories we could have ever thought possible.

Love'em While You Got'em...

He Set the Example...


Luke 22:41-42 - And He was withdrawn from them about a stone's throw, and He knelt down and prayed, saying, "Father, if it is Your will, take this cup away from Me, nevertheless not My will, but Yours, be done. 


Last night while at prayer at our church He Set the Example was mentioned and immediately I thought about the verse above.  That's kind of how this blog has been going for me the last few days.  I'll hear something and have like this whole download of a thought that I've never had before.  So last night when I heard this I felt connected to Jesus in a way I had not before.  I think in my mind I fell into the yeah Jesus was man but He was also God and does not fully understand me and what it's like to be me trap.  That was not my conscious thought, but I'm realizing subconsciously yeah I did.  It's the whole God choosing to make Himself like me.  Who would choose that on purpose.  But He did and there is comfort in the verse above.  Because it makes me stop and say Jesus felt fear, anguish, pain, distress.  But in spite of it all He still chose to say not my will, but Yours Father.
He believed that the plan for His life was even greater than His life.  So should we.  He set the example.  God knows the plans that He has for us and He says it's to prosper us and not harm us (Jeremiah 29:11). Today we need to know that Jesus gets it.  He knows what we are currently feeling.  Insignificant, Insecure, Scared, Depressed, Devastated, Grieved, Ignored, Complacent, Alone, Comfortable (Yes I said comfortable. That's not a safe place either).  But He gets it.  But like Him we can't be immobilized by it.  God's plan for our lives is so much more than our current state.  But we choose not to see past them sometimes.  We think this is it.  We look at our lives and get stuck on our lives.  What if that's what Jesus did?  Where would we be?  So what makes us think it's ok for us?
John 14:12 says " Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father.  People we have work to do.  We have been bound by the enemy for too long.  God says greater works than these we will do.  We question a lot of times why are we not seeing God move in major ways these days.  Why are we making it His problem and not looking within?  We will overcome by the blood of the lamb and the word of our TESTIMONY.  Do you know your testimony or are you allowing the enemy to cast shame and fear in your life thus hindering you from doing greater things.  I did.  I'll be the first one to say that I carried around more mess than a message for years.  But we have work to do.  This world needs us.  There are people out there going through things us believers have been through but at least we have Hope.  Because we do. Sometimes we don't act like it.  But we do have Hope.  They don't even know what Hope looks like and we allow the enemies whispers of shame and fear  from our past to stop us from giving it to them.  After realizing that, how can we sit back and let it happen?  How can we just be ok with that?
All the tools that we will ever need for this life to get through this life, we have already been given.  It's time for us to realize that and activate those tools.  We have the best role model ever to learn from.  Learn from Him.  Because He gets it.  He lived it.  He understands it, got through it and will get us through it.

He set the example...

Shake it Loose...


Healing and Restoration.  That is the main reason the Lord has showed us, as well as others  as to why we are back in NY for a period of time.  While talking to my mom this afternoon I started to think I wonder how the lack of restoration and healing from past hurts has affected my relationships with others.  Here a few things that came to mind.
Jealousy
Anger
Misplaced Frustration
Loss of Friendships
Paranoia
Pessimism
Misery
These are just a few things that come to mind.  The difference is now I can see them as my problem.  Before it was misplaced and everyone else's problem but my own.  I hurt so much inside that I always saw an ulterior motive in everyone else.  Always looking for the meaning behind what was said. Always over analyzing prior conversations or emails trying to figure out what "they" really meant by that.  IT'S EXHAUSTING!!  Please tell me I'm not alone in this. Lol! This is how I was living my life.  
A very dear friend of my family who I love like an Aunt has this hand motion.  She lifts up her arms and just starts shaking her hands and says "I shake it loose."  I love it.  I'm adopting it.  What are we holding on to?  I know for me the Lord has been revealing a lot of past pains that I thought were dealt with.  But in actuality even though I had dealt with the initial pain or shock of the hurt I had not stopped it from defining me in some way.  I became "I have my eye on you and I'll always stay a step ahead of everyone by prejudging their thoughts towards me" Sharkiesha.  It's true.  
Like Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego, I want to make it through the fires of life.  But I want to make it out the way they did.  Without the smell of smoke.  Have you ever had smoke get in your clothes and in your hair? It wreaks, and so did I.  I may have made it through.  But my attitude and mentality stunk afterwards.  I don't want to smell like smoke any more.  I want to shake it loose.  It's not benefiting me at all to hold on to these attitudes, bitterness or resentments.  I thought I was protecting myself, but in actuality I did more harm to myself than anyone else.
So writing this today is two fold.  I know someone else out there is letting their past hurts define them.  They just have not acknowledged it yet.  They are living a protected life and not allowing people in.  They are comfortable keeping everyone on the surface or thinking the worst about them.  You may not even know who you truly are because you change depending on the company your in.  That was me.  I kept myself safe by having no identity.  Who I was for the day was determined by who I was with.  It protected me from feeling rejected. 
The second reason is I want to say I'm sorry.  I'm apologizing to any of my friends or family that I put my stuff on and did not give you a chance to love me for me.
The truth is that I viewed myself as unlovable for quite a few years.  I got hurt multiple times and so it had to mean that I was not worth love. No one would say that to my face but they had to be thinking it. That's the lie that I had bought into.  So I prejudged your every word, thought or action towards me.  I'm sorry.
That's not who I am any longer all glory to God.  He's faithful till the end.  But I am still a work very much in progress as we all are.  But God is most definitely healing and restoring.  Know that He is doing so in you as well. God is for us like no one else on this earth.  Like no one else.  Oh the power in knowing that.  So let it go.  There is a better you waiting to break forth. A more joyful you.  A freer you.  Let it go and...

Shake it Loose
For my dancers click here for some help Shaking it Loose

Serve the Lord Where Your At...


This word just came from a late night evening convo with my awesome hubby. Serve the Lord where your at. Do your best everyday for Him. Find rest in knowing that the Lord love's your best and it's good enough for Him. If it's not good enough for man, that's ok. Don't focus on that. Do your best as unto the Lord and rest because He will take care of the rest.  Pressure's off with Him. I guarantee, you are the best you possible when you do all things in this life unto Him.

Rest...

Stay Out of the Boat...


And Peter answered Him and said, "Lord if it is You, command me to come to You on the water."  So He said, "Come." And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus.  But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, "Lord save me!"  And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?" And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. Matthew 14:28-32


I felt compelled today to write about the title of this blog "Courage to Stay Out of the Boat".  While reading this text a few months ago the Lord hit me over the head with 3 things.  


1. What could Peter have seen/learned if he would have stayed out of the boat?
Now I have to give Peter props for even being willing to step out.  But what would have happened if he stayed out?  I've always had a fascination with the ocean.  While in FL last month we went to Daytona Beach.  The water was the most clear I had ever experienced.  You could see schools of fish swimming in almost every wave that came forward.  It was amazing.  But can you imagine what's waaaaay out there?  What you could see out where the boats are, and Peter and Jesus are just walking out there.  Our minds can barely wrap around the thought of something like that.  What does an experience like that do for one's faith?  But then he saw the wind. It wasn't that the wind was not always there, Peter just started taking notice of it instead of watching the Creator of it.


2. Fear that makes you say "God take me back to what I've always known. Take be back to safety!"  Here's been my life in a nutshell the past few years.  Stay in the boat.  Or if you feel bold enough today to venture out and trust God just keep the boat close by so you can jump back in.  I don't want the boat.  I want Jesus and all that He desires for me to do and be.  Which means, guess what, the boat has to get left behind.  What am I scared of anyway.  The author and and the finisher of my faith is before me, behind me and on every side of me.  What am I scared of?  His word will not come back void and if He says He knows the plans that He has for me and they are for my good and not to harm me, I better grab hold of that and believe it.  He says ALL THINGS work together for the good of those that love Him and are called according to His purpose.  Whom, What, Where, When shall I fear?!?!?!  How come we don't live like that?  Because we can.  We just don't believe that we can, because we are allowing ourselves to be caught up in the winds of fear, shame, resentment, bitterness, anger, guilt, discontentment, complacency, comfort and all the other tools that the enemy loves to pull out to rob us from experiencing the out of the boat faith Christ desires for us to achieve.


3. v:31 And Immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him. Immediately, which means what?  Jesus was closer than Peter even realized.  Jesus is closer than we even realize.  Sometimes it feels like we are walking on the great big ocean with winds at every side and Jesus is no where in sight.  But is that truly the case?  No, it's not.  Not at all.  He is forever and always aware of you.  He is in love with you.  You are the apple of His eye.  He delights in you and at the very thought of you.  So don't get caught up in what it looks like, because what you see does not have to be what you get.  What you get could be so much more if you decide to see past the wind.  My mother always says "Trials don't come to stay, they come to pass."  Remember that.  God's plan for your life is so much greater.

HE + ME = PHILIPPIANS 4:13

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

STAY OUT OF THE BOAT!

Can't Be Snatched...


So this morning I woke up and began reading the verse of the day on one of my bible phone apps.  Today's verse came from John 10:27-30 and reads as follows:
"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me.  I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand.  My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all, and no one is able to snatch out of the Father's hand.  I and the Father are one."
Why are we scared to try?  Why are we too fearful to believe? Ok, I'll ask one simpler for us Christians out there.  Do we believe that God's a liar?  I can hear the resounding NO's on that one.  So why do we act like this verse is somehow inaccurate.  He's telling us we can't be snatched.
I've talked about passed mindsets a lot in this blog.  Another mindset I used to have was being fearful to do something because I didn't want to be out of God's will.  That mindset is tricky.  God does not need us to accomplish His will.  The bible tells us that If we do not worship the very rocks will cry out.  It's out of His love for us that we have been given the honor of accomplishing His will.
Now can we miss out on blessings and opportunities if we choose not to do what the Lord is telling us to do?  Yes!  But is His will for our lives some how voided as well?  No, it's not.  See God says that He works all things together for the good of those that love Him.  He can take our mess and make it our message if we let Him.  But if we become immobile out of fear of stepping out of God's will we render ourselves unusable.  I know that's not what I want.  I don't believe that's what you want either.  That's why I''m writing this today.  I want you to find hope in the verse above.  We can't be snatched out of His Hand.  His will for our lives is so much bigger than our missed opportunities or mess up's.  So what we missed His voice 1 day, 2 days, a week or a month.  Ok,well not totally so what.  Learn from those missed opportunities.  But don't be scared to get back on the horse again after falling off.  I guarantee you God is cheering us on.  Even in the midst of our miss or mess up, God is saying "Come on Daughter, Come on Son, We got this.  You don't see your potential in Me, but I know it full well.  Just trust Me!"
SO GET UP!! Don't give up.  Go forth today knowing God is for you, not against you.  Go forth today knowing that even if you missed it yesterday, your chance of missing it today is determined by you and the mindset you buy into.  Because today God wants to remind you, Nothing or No One can snatch you out of the palm of His Hand.  So I pray this helps you find peace today in knowing that you...

CAN'T BE SNATCHED!!

It's About So Much More Than Us...

The Lord dropped this into my spirit last month and again yesterday.  I can tell you my understanding of it last month was limited.  Today I think I'm finally getting what the Lord meant.
Here's the deal.  This blog originally started out to be about our Journey to Jacksonville and it still is in a way.  But I'm no longer in Jacksonville.  I'm now in NYC.  We did end up in Jacksonville on March 8th.  Completely following the leading of the Lord.  After 3 weeks Roger got a job and it appeared that things were moving forward.  But the same night he started working our hotel room was robbed.  Our laptop, phone, wallets, drivers license, debit card and check books were all taken.  Roger had to take off the next day for us to close bank accounts and for another meeting with the Sheriff's dept.  Because of that day off he lost his job.
We stayed in FL for another 4 weeks after this event but nothing else worked out and we had to head back to NYC. This would be the devastating thing you heard me speak of last month.  But here's the deal.  While I don't understand it all.  I know our family is called to FL.  We've already been shown and have met the people we will be in ministry with once we are permanently there.  But it's all in God's time.  Do I trust His timing?  
Now I have a choice to make.  I could choose to be bitter and angry and feel like the Lord let me down and I quit my job and uprooted my family for nothing.  Or I can choose to believe that all of this is part of a bigger plan that I don't understand.  But it's for good. And it's not just about me anyway.
Our lives are not to be lived just for us.  What if we lived our lives for what we could be for someone else in the kingdom of God.  This is what I mean.  The experiences that I have in this life can you be used to benefit someone else's for the kingdom.  What if I lived my life in a way that said Yes God, whatever you want, where ever you want to place me,  how ever you want to use me, I'm yours.  What could He truly do with me?  We get so caught up in things being about us.  My ministry, my calling, my purpose, my role, my title, my personality type.  But what if instead we just said God you know better than I do and I want all that you desire for me in this life.  So place me where you want me so that I can learn what ever it is that you desire to teach me.  Do we trust that He knows us and do we trust that He knows all things, better than we do?  So why do we limit Him?
We limit Him when we say I'm not good with kids so I can't work with the youth.  When we talk about our inability to do something because we are just not wired that way.  When we limit God's ability to teach us our full potential in His power, because of our flawed understanding of who we are and are meant to be.  Or when we choose to allow offenses to hinder our growth in Him, instead of guarding our hearts and trusting God allowed even this for good.  If it doesn't feel comfortable, make sense or come in a package that we are used to, then we say that's just not how God made me or that's just not my personality/strength.  And in doing so limit God's stretching, teaching and use of us?  The next time something is suggested for you to do or not do, don't automatically dismiss it or take offense to it.  It could be the Lord stretching you and introducing you to a you, you never thought possible.
We say that we want God to blow our minds.  But turn around and in the same breath say, "no that can't be God," because He would never ask me to be that uncomfortable.  I would go out of my mind if I had to do such and such.  Or you could end up touching the life of a person that was about to end it all and because you humbled yourself and allowed yourself to be at the right place at the right time God was able to use you.  
So ask yourself...are you truly willing to do what it takes to be completely used by God??  Because this life is about so much more than us.

Allow Yourself to Feel...


Just deal with it...
Get over it...
Move on...
It's not that big of a deal...
It could always be worse...


These are things that we say or others say sometimes to get through various hardships in our lives.  How come we hardly ever say Allow Yourself to Feel...


I'm learning now that I functioned most of my life by saying things like those listed above.  Or felt weak when others felt the need pass on those words of wisdom. I've been hurt many many many times in my life.  And I'm realizing now that dealing with them for me meant letting them go and moving on.  The problem was that letting them go and moving on also meant not truly dealing with them either.  For what ever reason I was not truly able to deal with my hurt.  Mainly because my tendacy is to focus on others and to make sure they are ok before myself.  Many times even the ones that hurt me.  


I have cried so much this week my head automatically hurts at just the thought of it.  A friend said to me last Sunday "I feel like the Lord is saying you need to release."  With a            smile on my face I nodded at her in agreement.  I just did not fully understand all that the Lord had in mind.  


I've said before in this blog that this Journey to Jacksonville has been an inward journey as much as a physical one.  God said that He wanted to Renew our mindsets.  We sold off all of our stuff because the Lord said He wanted this to be a New Start.  We take things literally sometimes with God and He means so much more.  I'm seeing that now.  


This week I literally have been shut down.  Borderline in a depressive state. I'm an over analyzer.  My brain does not shut down.  In doing so when something or someone hurts me I spend so much time trying to figure out the why and the what do I do to get past, that I don't take the time to feel.


Without going into details I had something heart wrenching happen to me this past week. It hurt me so bad that my mind literally became a fog.  I could not think.  I could not function.  I had been shut down.  All I could do was cry, sob, weep and sometimes groan day after day after day.  But in the process I started grieving some other hurts that I thought were already dealt with.  I don't think anyone likes being brokenhearted.  I know I don't.  So it's better to shove it down sooo deep that you don't even see it.  You definitely don't feel it.  It's almost like it never really happened.  So now I can just move past.  But who is that really helping?  Are you really dealing or are you just coping?  How long can you cope?  


Eventually something will trigger it. I used to give this analogy that I was like a cracked vase that the Lord had put back together again, but that you could still see the lines and the cracks from where I had been broken.  I feel like this week I handed my cracked vase back over to the Lord and He allowed for it to be shattered.  A couple of days ago that statement would have ended there.  Because I couldn't see how all the pain that I was feeling could be a good thing.  With my brain shut off the pieces just lay there for days.  I was broken and I felt every ounce of it. 


But I understand now that God doesn't just want to reassemble me.  He wants to make me whole.  He wants to completely restore me.  He wants me to heal.  I'm thankful for this time. I'm thankful that God saw fit to make me release.  I'm thankful and learning that Let Go and Let God no longer means suppress, ignore and Smile. It's ok for me to feel hurt, sad, mad or to grieve.  But then I can say Daddy I'm hurting, please fight this battle.  I don't completely understand.  But that's ok.  I'm not suppose too and I don't have too.  Thank God He loves and has a plan for us Over Analyzers.