Not Picture Perfect...and That's OK!

So this is the first blog I've written since getting to Jacksonville 7 mos. ago. It's probably also my most honest.  Today was one of those days where I just felt like I needed to run out of the house.  With the excuse of needing to run to the store I headed out down the road.  I quickly pulled into the McDonald's  drive thru. Grabbed a large fry and a large coke.  Pulled into a parking spot, turned on some music and just sobbed. I sat there in that spot for about 45 minutes.  Afterward I grabbed what I needed and headed back home.

I have a hard time being vulnerable.  I realized today that I like to appear that I have it all together. I'm a perfectionist.  I don't like to look like I don't know what I'm doing.  I don't like to look flawed.  But the reality of it is I'm not perfect, I don't know what I'm doing, I'm not perfect and I do have flaws.

See this journey has not been easy.  It's not easy to abandon a place you called home for 14 yrs.  Leave a good job, the benefits, friends, family, a sense of security, to then move to a place where you have no job, no friends, no family and no sense of security.  All you know is that God said GO and that you want to be obedient.  There's times it gets lonely.  There's times my mind wars with my spirit so hard that all I can do is literally sit on the floor in my prayer room, wrap my arms around myself and say Jesus I need you through all the tears.  Thankfully this is not everyday.  But it has been some days.  But what I need for you to see is the "smile".  A picture of perfection.

I'm learning today to be ok with where I am in this journey.  God is not concerned with whether I'm right (perfectionist) or whether I'm wrong (I'm doubting everything right now).  He's concerned about ME.  Sometimes I think we focus too much on the symptoms or behaviors in one's life.  It's about what we see and what we see right now in this moment defines what we are.  Thankfully the symptoms and behaviors don't stop the heart of the Father from seeing my heart.  My fries and coke meltdown in the middle of a parking lot did not stop Him from being in that car with me.  It didn't stop Him from gathering me in His arms.  It didn't stop Him from loving me.  Because He see's me.  The true me.  The me I am becoming.  The me that I don't even see...yet.  The me that's to be.

So this is where I am in this wonderful journey.  I'm learning to love me just as I am. I'm learning to be ok with being a mess sometimes.  I don't have to have it all together.  I don't have to have all the answers.  Mess ups, mistakes and meltdowns are allowed.  God just wants me to be me in whatever form that might be in this stage of the journey.  He that's begun a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.  He'll be faithful to complete, not Sharkiesha.  I don't have to try and make it happen for myself.  The pressure is off.

So here I am...believing that I am, now, fearfully and wonderfully made.  Not that I will be once I can perfect my life.  And in regards to this journey...It's not been easy, but it's been worth it all.  I would do it again if He asked me too.

I'm so thankful that God loves us relentlessly.  And that He says I don't need you to be perfect.  I just need you to be YOU...

I'm Not Picture Perfect...and That's OK!

One of my fave songs that reminds me of how God truly feels about me. Click here and ENJOY!!

Battle for Your Purpose...

Yesterday morning a family friend called and said that she needed to share a word with me.  I've encountered the Lord speaking through this individual before and I love to see Him do it.  It's powerful and so encouraging.  To see this normally humble, sweet spoken, lovable lady be suddenly consumed with boldness and power that can only come from on high is amazing to see.  So I was immediately excited and open to hear.

She gave me 3 puzzle pieces as I will call them because that's how the Lord has been speaking with me lately.  He's been giving me pieces to search Him further about and then brings forth revelation as I do so.  It's been a cool experience with the Lord that I've come to welcome and cherish.  

My friend started out by saying "You, Roger and the girls are God's Idea."  Immediately I heard the Lord say, "look up the definition of idea."  

Idea - A thought or suggestion as to a possible course of action. A concept or mental impression.

Then she said "No weapon formed against you shall prosper." When she said this 3 words were highlighted in my mind. Weapon, Formed and Prosper.  Looking up the definition, I knew needed to be my next course of action.  

Weapon - A thing designed or used for inflicting bodily harm or physical damage. A means of gaining an advantage or defending oneself in a conflict or contest.

Formed - Bring together parts or combined to create something. The organizing of people or things into a group or body.

Prosper - To become strong and flourishing.

The last thing she said was the puzzle pieces are there and more are coming.

I wrote everything down that she said immediately and looked up the definitions for the words above and then I watched and waited through out the day for the Lord to piece the puzzle together. Here's what this word spoke to me and I pray it blesses you, empowers you and encourages you, like it did me.

Puzzle Piece # 1 - God's Idea

We are His idea.  We are His thought as to a possible course of action (Purpose).  God creates us with purpose.  When we have an idea about something think of the process we go through and the creativity we put into that idea for it to be what we are seeing and formulating in our mind.  Now imagine the process we go through to produce an idea on God's level.  Then realize you are that process, that creativity, that Idea.  You were created and originated with Purpose and given everything to fulfill that purpose.

Puzzle Piece # 2 - No Weapon Formed Against You Shall Prosper

Based on the definitions above I'm going to give you the SDV (Sharkie DeMass Version) of this scripture.  No thing that the enemy brings together, designs, organizes or creates to inflict harm or damage to me and my purpose as a way of gaining an advantage because of his need to defend himself because as a servant of God we are in conflict, shall become strong or flourish, because the battle has already been won, and we have the victory through Christ.

It hit me that the enemies weapons are formed against us. Formed, created, organized, formulated.  He wants to attack our purpose.  If he can get us to question who God has called us to be, or strike us in strategic way, he can delay us from walking in our purpose.  Once I realized this last night it changed everything. Here's why.  If we instead started looking at the ways the enemy was choosing to attack us, friends, family members, etc. what we will discover is that the understanding that the enemy forms, organizes, creates weapons against us and that he is strategically attacking our purpose helps us  no longer see the trial but the spirit at work behind the trial.  Long story short...It prepares us for battle.  Because now our eyes will be opened to the scheme. We'll no longer see the circumstances, but what the circumstance was orchestrated to do against us.  It changes our way of praying, believing, battling, standing or waiting.

The other thing that hit me is that the devil can't do  anything unless the Lord allows it.  So if the Lord allows it, it's because it's part of the idea.  See His word tells me that He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for them. All things!! Even the weapons formed, orchestrated and strategically created by the enemy to work against us.  But God is just that good that it's all factored into His idea of Us and the accomplishing of His purpose in us and through us.

So don't give up.  You Have A Divine, God Given, God Appointed, God Ordained Purpose, and He is fully invested in helping you achieve it.  The enemy is also fully invested in helping you miss it, dismiss it or delay it.  So see the truth when obstacles come your way.  See the trials, test and temptations for what they really are.  Look at them hard and ask yourself, what's at the source of it? Who has God called you to be and see how this attack strikes at the very core of that.  If you are one who is still struggling with your identity in Christ and your God given purpose, I challenge you to see how the enemy is strategizing against you.  Ask the Lord to help you with this.  He will.  No one desires for you to walk in your purpose more than the one who created you to do so.  More than likely the very way the enemy is attacking you, as you gain understanding, will ultimately help to reveal what you were purposed for.  

I pray this has encouraged you and empowered you.  I know it did me.  Never forget we are God's Idea.  He created us all with a purpose.  Don't let it slip through your fingers or buy into the lie that it's too late or any other foul attempt the enemy uses.  You are God's Idea.

It's time to Battle for Your Purpose...

Character...

This past Sunday I was having a conversation with my mom a little after 1 in the morning.  One of those discussions about the Lord where your discussing one thing and suddenly your discussing something completely different. It's almost as if you are listening to yourself speak because the words are coming out before you feel you've even been given a chance to think them up.

Here's what ended up being said.  Sometimes our spiritual life hits points where we are functioning out of discipline as opposed to desire.  Discipline doesn't mean that the love is gone, it just means the the warm fuzzy feelings, for right now, are.  

Sometimes, while rare, I don't feel like focusing on being a mom. Sometimes I just feel like focusing on me.  I don't want the responsibility this day of anyone else apart from myself.  I don't want to have to think.  I just want to be off duty.  But just because that's what I feel it does not mean that I'm not going to get up and teach my kids, cook their meals, do their laundry or anything else to care for them this day.  It's just a day that I have to function out of what I know to do instead of what I feel like doing.

It also doesn't mean that I'm not functioning out of a heart of love, because I'm doing so out of discipline as opposed to desire. I also said to my mother that I believe that God honors both and possibly honor's discipline more.  It's easier to do something when the feeling is right, but to do what's right and what you know to do even when everything around you is screaming not to.  When the circumstances don't make sense.  When you can't see the forest for the trees.  When you feel like your the only one still in love and all the others have gone silent.  In that moment of discipline lies the developing of Character...