Character...

This past Sunday I was having a conversation with my mom a little after 1 in the morning.  One of those discussions about the Lord where your discussing one thing and suddenly your discussing something completely different. It's almost as if you are listening to yourself speak because the words are coming out before you feel you've even been given a chance to think them up.

Here's what ended up being said.  Sometimes our spiritual life hits points where we are functioning out of discipline as opposed to desire.  Discipline doesn't mean that the love is gone, it just means the the warm fuzzy feelings, for right now, are.  

Sometimes, while rare, I don't feel like focusing on being a mom. Sometimes I just feel like focusing on me.  I don't want the responsibility this day of anyone else apart from myself.  I don't want to have to think.  I just want to be off duty.  But just because that's what I feel it does not mean that I'm not going to get up and teach my kids, cook their meals, do their laundry or anything else to care for them this day.  It's just a day that I have to function out of what I know to do instead of what I feel like doing.

It also doesn't mean that I'm not functioning out of a heart of love, because I'm doing so out of discipline as opposed to desire. I also said to my mother that I believe that God honors both and possibly honor's discipline more.  It's easier to do something when the feeling is right, but to do what's right and what you know to do even when everything around you is screaming not to.  When the circumstances don't make sense.  When you can't see the forest for the trees.  When you feel like your the only one still in love and all the others have gone silent.  In that moment of discipline lies the developing of Character...