Jesus!  My One True Assurance...



My family has had a rather challenging last 4 months.  Now we've endured a lot as a family, but this season has seemed more challenging than times past.  I believe it's because we've decided to hold firmly to our Heavenly Daddy's hand and to rest in His peace.  Easier said than done.  It's one of those times where everyday you wake up and remind yourself that the Word of God is true and even when my circumstances change, His Word is still the same.  You get up you start your day and maybe 2 hours later your saying "the Word of God is true and even when my circumstances change, His Word is still the same."  You keep moving forward and get a little farther now and by dinner time and again before bed you say "the Word of God is true and even when my circumstances change, His Word is still the same."  You lay your head down and thank God for making it through another day. You thank Him for His grace, His faithfulness and that He is the friend that sticks closer than a brother.  You trail off to sleep, then the alarm rings and you are faced with the same challenges all over again.

Our family has taken to calling this time a holding pattern.  We've called it that because no answers have come forth quickly.  We've just been on hold when it comes to any kind of answers.  And right now we are in a place where we are literally pressed on every side.  Even just 1 of the multiple things we are facing, by itself would make some weary and we are facing multiple of those types of things. The truth is our God is way bigger than it all.  But you have to choose to believe that in the face of what can sometimes feel like insurmountable obstacles.  But God says that we are More than Conquerors,  He says Greater is He that's living in me..., He says that I can do all things through Christ who give me strength.  But everyday you wake up and things are still the same.  Now it's been 2 months, 3 months...and counting and still no answers.  Will you still hold firmly to His Hand?  Or better yet, will you still believe that He is holding yours?

It's not easy when everything around you is being challenged.  When you have to choose to know that God is for us and never against us.  Even when the walls are closing in, can you still say "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord!"  Can you trust that He truly does know better and get out of His way.  That's been the challenge for me.  I'm a very analytical thinker, so I typically have already reasoned out every possible scenario.  But what do you do when there is absolutely nothing you can do to fix it.  You just have to go though it.  After a few attempts on my part to try, I finally surrendered. I surrendered all my possible fixes and answers to God.  I surrendered my frustrations and fears to God.  I surrendered and chose to say through the tears "the Word of God is true and even when my circumstances change, His Word is still the same."  

You will hear our family say in this season "We have drawn a line in the sand and set our faces like flint."  Our eyes are fixed on our Daddy and HE WILL NOT FAIL!  He can not fail. We are His kiddos, so we can not fail either.  But we have to trust Him.  In the good and the bad times.  Trust Him!!  He has all the answers that we will ever need for anything in this life.  But that has to be more than just words.  It's has to be an everyday choice to believe that.

God's Word is true.  It does not change just because our circumstances do. One of our favorite worship leaders, Steffany Gretzinger, sings "You never fall off of Your throne."  That is such a powerful truth. I've attached a link to the video at the bottom of this post.  No matter what our circumstances might try to scream at us everyday, they did not knock God off His throne. Nothing can or ever will do that.  Do we always believe that to be true? Sometimes it's a battle and we walk around living defeated. But today my prayer for you is no matter the circumstances, No matter the obstacles you face, No matter what the enemy is trying to whisper in your ear, you will draw a line in the sand and set your face like flint.  You will say no matter what, I am holding firmly to my Daddy's Hand and then allow for the peace of God to overwhelm you.  Rest in that peace.  It's ok to rest. I'm learning that.  Rest in His peace.  He died for you to have it.  Rest in knowing that you don't escape His thoughts.  He is aware of what is overwhelming you. He hears your every cry. The best thing you can do is choose to trust the Lord through it all and believe His Word is true for your life.  He will never, never, never let us down.  For He is and will forever be...

Our One True Assurance...Thank You Jesus!!

King of My Heart (w/ spontaneous worship) - Steffany Gretzinger

Simply a Mother's...Day

My mother's day went very different than I thought it would. Mother's Day started at 12 am sitting up with my oldest child not feeling well.  Shortly after taking her place on the couch and me on the love seat she looked over at me with a weak smile and said "Happy Mother's Day".  We proceeded to sit there for another 3-4 hours until she finally felt well enough to be on her own and try to sleep.  

As I climbed in bed I realized it would probably be a few short hours before my youngest would be coming in the room to surprise me with her Mother's Day act of kindness.  I found myself hoping for her to sleep a little longer so that I could too.  The day before she had woken me up early in the morning out of sheer excitement of friends coming over for the day.  She did not know, just like tonight,  I had not closed my eyes till about 3:30 am, and was ever so exhausted.  But her excitement was infectious and she got me up and out to prepare for company.  

Sure enough 8:30 this morning (4 hours after climbing in bed), there's a knock at my bedroom door. My husband and I barely get out a half alert "yes"  before there's another knock followed by a sweet voice saying "Can I come in?"  "Yes baby!" I say with all the exhaustion of the lack of sleep over the last 48 hours resonating in my voice.

As I sit up, I see this bright beautiful smile walking in holding a tray of breakfast goodies and a handmade Mother's Day card.  While looking at the face of one who has enjoyed a full night's sleep, I find myself thinking "Ugh, I just want to sleep."  And with that same thought in mind I say "Baby, I'm really not hungry right now, but thank you."  Her smile faded and a look of confusion started to come on her face.  And then I caught myself.  "This is a precious moment I thought. These years go by too fast. Sleep will be there tonight, but this moment will not and you will have missed it.  BE IN IT!!! It's worth it!  She's worth it!   BE IN IT!!" I looked at her face and sat up and with a sleepy smile on my face said "Thank you baby. You did this for me?"  Her smile returned and she proceeded with her Mother's Day gifts, followed by hugs and kisses.

I won't lie, I secretly was still hoping for a few more hours of sleep after breakfast, but to no avail. My little one continued on "gifting me" with turning on one of my favorite tv shows and climbing in the bed with me.  While her head rested on my stomach and I started rubbing her head and playing with her hair, I found myself thinking about the last 12 hours.  Sitting up with my oldest, getting a few hours sleep and now breakfast and snuggle time with my youngest. I found myself feeling this was the best mother's day.  The last 9 hours had been a summary of Motherhood. For Mother's Day I got to be mom and the joy and satisfaction that filled my heart overwhelmed me.  The day could have ended there and I would have felt complete and fulfilled.  

I'm thankful for this moment today.  Too many times they get lost in the hustle and bustle of the day. I can take for granted that I'm Mom and that my kids look at me to be exactly that.  Their mom! To be there to comfort when they are sick.  To be there with a smile on my face when they want to bless me and love on me. To be in "their" moments whole heartedly because I want to be, and desire to be. Not because I'm obligated to be.  Because they can tell the difference.

Today was the best Mother's Day ever.  Going forward I seek to have the best days of being a mother ever and living in the moment with these kiddo's for as long as I'm allowed.  Because before you know it, they've grown up and it seems all too soon.  But thank God for the moments.  Live in them, Enjoy them, Embrace them!

Happy Mother's Day Ladies! 

Lessons From a Burnt Pot...

It's been a rough last few weeks in my life.  It's been a season where God is just ripping the band aids off many old wounds.  The one's that we press down further and further for 2 reasons.  We want to believe so badly that we have moved past these events that hurt us or because we fear if we let ourselves go there, we may not come back.  I have cried more in a week than I have in a year. Where you are so emotionally exhausted all that's left is just the raw, true version of your current condition. Yeah it's been a week.

I ended up calling my mom one afternoon and having a conversation with her about what God was doing and what I was dealing with.  She reminded me that I have always known who I was.  Even from a small child I had a strong sense of purpose.  She said she felt that I had forgotten who I was. That I had allowed life to consume me.

See I've had quite a few knocks in life.  Quite a few times where the floor has just been completely swept out from under me.  I used to be one who was so full of life and motivated to achieve whatever I put my mind to.  But I haven't seen that girl in quite some time.  I find myself sometimes looking at myself in the mirror and not recognizing the person staring back.  Before you know it the hole gets deeper and deeper.  It was time for God to rip off the band aids and make me deal with my truth.

I went into my bedroom and just cried out "GOD REMIND ME OF WHO I AM!  I NEED TO SEE MYSELF THROUGH YOUR EYES!  I NEED TO REMEMBER WHO YOU SAY I AM!"

A few days before my husband was cooking and burnt one of our pots.  It was the pot that I make my tea in and I am a major tea drinker.  As it sat soaking for days I decided to look up an online remedy to get my pot back.  I followed everything the blogger said to do and proceeded to scrub.  According to instructions it should only take 30-45 seconds of elbow grease and I was now at least 5 minutes in to my scrubbing.  

Now the battle begins.  I hear the first thought.  "Just quit!  You can buy another pot at the store later. Let it go!"  "But this is my favorite pot, and I want it back."  " Nothing's happening.  It's not working out like they said...Just like your life.  Nothing's happening."  I feel it.  I feel my motivation beginning to wane.  I feel the questions.  I feel the doubts.  I feel me.

BUT I WANT MY POT!!!!  I start scrubbing....harder and harder and harder.  I see silver breaking forth from the bottom and it's getting wider and wider. That's when I hear it.  My Daddy's voice. He says "THAT'S WHO YOU ARE!YOUR MY DAUGHTER WHO DOESN'T QUIT!  YOUR MY DAUGHTER WHO DOESN'T GIVE UP! YOU KEEP GOING! REMEMBER WHAT YOUR FRIENDS USED TO CALL YOU. THEY CALLED YOU THE COME BACK KID, BECAUSE NO MATTER WHAT CAME UP AGAINST YOU, YOU KEPT THE SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND YOU KEPT BELIEVING ME!  YOUR MY DAUGHTER!  YOU DON'T QUIT!"

By the time He was done speaking the pot was sparkling like new.

Life is hard.  Life hurts sometimes and it hurts bad.  Sometimes we get lost in the midst of it all.  But I PRAISE GOD!!  Because just like with Peter, He is there to immediately pull us out of the raging sea as soon as we say JESUS!!  JESUS, I NEED YOU!!  I CAN'T DO THIS!!  I DON'T HAVE IT IN ME GOD!!  I NEED YOU TO RESCUE ME!!

There is a beauty in being vulnerable.  There is a beauty in being transparent. There is a beauty in our weakness.  God is not scared of it.  Sometimes we are. So we push it down.  But let God rip off the band aids.  Don't be scared of it. Don't be scared to be real with God.  I don't know how we can think we can be anything else but. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows our truth. He knows our current condition.  And He also knows the plans He has for us even in the midst of those conditions.  So trust Him with it.  He can handle it...and you can too.

Give your burdens to the LORD, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. Psalm 55:22 NLT

Thank You God for the Lesson in a Burnt Pot!!

Not Picture Perfect...and That's OK!

So this is the first blog I've written since getting to Jacksonville 7 mos. ago. It's probably also my most honest.  Today was one of those days where I just felt like I needed to run out of the house.  With the excuse of needing to run to the store I headed out down the road.  I quickly pulled into the McDonald's  drive thru. Grabbed a large fry and a large coke.  Pulled into a parking spot, turned on some music and just sobbed. I sat there in that spot for about 45 minutes.  Afterward I grabbed what I needed and headed back home.

I have a hard time being vulnerable.  I realized today that I like to appear that I have it all together. I'm a perfectionist.  I don't like to look like I don't know what I'm doing.  I don't like to look flawed.  But the reality of it is I'm not perfect, I don't know what I'm doing, I'm not perfect and I do have flaws.

See this journey has not been easy.  It's not easy to abandon a place you called home for 14 yrs.  Leave a good job, the benefits, friends, family, a sense of security, to then move to a place where you have no job, no friends, no family and no sense of security.  All you know is that God said GO and that you want to be obedient.  There's times it gets lonely.  There's times my mind wars with my spirit so hard that all I can do is literally sit on the floor in my prayer room, wrap my arms around myself and say Jesus I need you through all the tears.  Thankfully this is not everyday.  But it has been some days.  But what I need for you to see is the "smile".  A picture of perfection.

I'm learning today to be ok with where I am in this journey.  God is not concerned with whether I'm right (perfectionist) or whether I'm wrong (I'm doubting everything right now).  He's concerned about ME.  Sometimes I think we focus too much on the symptoms or behaviors in one's life.  It's about what we see and what we see right now in this moment defines what we are.  Thankfully the symptoms and behaviors don't stop the heart of the Father from seeing my heart.  My fries and coke meltdown in the middle of a parking lot did not stop Him from being in that car with me.  It didn't stop Him from gathering me in His arms.  It didn't stop Him from loving me.  Because He see's me.  The true me.  The me I am becoming.  The me that I don't even see...yet.  The me that's to be.

So this is where I am in this wonderful journey.  I'm learning to love me just as I am. I'm learning to be ok with being a mess sometimes.  I don't have to have it all together.  I don't have to have all the answers.  Mess ups, mistakes and meltdowns are allowed.  God just wants me to be me in whatever form that might be in this stage of the journey.  He that's begun a good work in me will be faithful to complete it.  He'll be faithful to complete, not Sharkiesha.  I don't have to try and make it happen for myself.  The pressure is off.

So here I am...believing that I am, now, fearfully and wonderfully made.  Not that I will be once I can perfect my life.  And in regards to this journey...It's not been easy, but it's been worth it all.  I would do it again if He asked me too.

I'm so thankful that God loves us relentlessly.  And that He says I don't need you to be perfect.  I just need you to be YOU...

I'm Not Picture Perfect...and That's OK!

One of my fave songs that reminds me of how God truly feels about me. Click here and ENJOY!!

Battle for Your Purpose...

Yesterday morning a family friend called and said that she needed to share a word with me.  I've encountered the Lord speaking through this individual before and I love to see Him do it.  It's powerful and so encouraging.  To see this normally humble, sweet spoken, lovable lady be suddenly consumed with boldness and power that can only come from on high is amazing to see.  So I was immediately excited and open to hear.

She gave me 3 puzzle pieces as I will call them because that's how the Lord has been speaking with me lately.  He's been giving me pieces to search Him further about and then brings forth revelation as I do so.  It's been a cool experience with the Lord that I've come to welcome and cherish.  

My friend started out by saying "You, Roger and the girls are God's Idea."  Immediately I heard the Lord say, "look up the definition of idea."  

Idea - A thought or suggestion as to a possible course of action. A concept or mental impression.

Then she said "No weapon formed against you shall prosper." When she said this 3 words were highlighted in my mind. Weapon, Formed and Prosper.  Looking up the definition, I knew needed to be my next course of action.  

Weapon - A thing designed or used for inflicting bodily harm or physical damage. A means of gaining an advantage or defending oneself in a conflict or contest.

Formed - Bring together parts or combined to create something. The organizing of people or things into a group or body.

Prosper - To become strong and flourishing.

The last thing she said was the puzzle pieces are there and more are coming.

I wrote everything down that she said immediately and looked up the definitions for the words above and then I watched and waited through out the day for the Lord to piece the puzzle together. Here's what this word spoke to me and I pray it blesses you, empowers you and encourages you, like it did me.

Puzzle Piece # 1 - God's Idea

We are His idea.  We are His thought as to a possible course of action (Purpose).  God creates us with purpose.  When we have an idea about something think of the process we go through and the creativity we put into that idea for it to be what we are seeing and formulating in our mind.  Now imagine the process we go through to produce an idea on God's level.  Then realize you are that process, that creativity, that Idea.  You were created and originated with Purpose and given everything to fulfill that purpose.

Puzzle Piece # 2 - No Weapon Formed Against You Shall Prosper

Based on the definitions above I'm going to give you the SDV (Sharkie DeMass Version) of this scripture.  No thing that the enemy brings together, designs, organizes or creates to inflict harm or damage to me and my purpose as a way of gaining an advantage because of his need to defend himself because as a servant of God we are in conflict, shall become strong or flourish, because the battle has already been won, and we have the victory through Christ.

It hit me that the enemies weapons are formed against us. Formed, created, organized, formulated.  He wants to attack our purpose.  If he can get us to question who God has called us to be, or strike us in strategic way, he can delay us from walking in our purpose.  Once I realized this last night it changed everything. Here's why.  If we instead started looking at the ways the enemy was choosing to attack us, friends, family members, etc. what we will discover is that the understanding that the enemy forms, organizes, creates weapons against us and that he is strategically attacking our purpose helps us  no longer see the trial but the spirit at work behind the trial.  Long story short...It prepares us for battle.  Because now our eyes will be opened to the scheme. We'll no longer see the circumstances, but what the circumstance was orchestrated to do against us.  It changes our way of praying, believing, battling, standing or waiting.

The other thing that hit me is that the devil can't do  anything unless the Lord allows it.  So if the Lord allows it, it's because it's part of the idea.  See His word tells me that He works all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for them. All things!! Even the weapons formed, orchestrated and strategically created by the enemy to work against us.  But God is just that good that it's all factored into His idea of Us and the accomplishing of His purpose in us and through us.

So don't give up.  You Have A Divine, God Given, God Appointed, God Ordained Purpose, and He is fully invested in helping you achieve it.  The enemy is also fully invested in helping you miss it, dismiss it or delay it.  So see the truth when obstacles come your way.  See the trials, test and temptations for what they really are.  Look at them hard and ask yourself, what's at the source of it? Who has God called you to be and see how this attack strikes at the very core of that.  If you are one who is still struggling with your identity in Christ and your God given purpose, I challenge you to see how the enemy is strategizing against you.  Ask the Lord to help you with this.  He will.  No one desires for you to walk in your purpose more than the one who created you to do so.  More than likely the very way the enemy is attacking you, as you gain understanding, will ultimately help to reveal what you were purposed for.  

I pray this has encouraged you and empowered you.  I know it did me.  Never forget we are God's Idea.  He created us all with a purpose.  Don't let it slip through your fingers or buy into the lie that it's too late or any other foul attempt the enemy uses.  You are God's Idea.

It's time to Battle for Your Purpose...

Character...

This past Sunday I was having a conversation with my mom a little after 1 in the morning.  One of those discussions about the Lord where your discussing one thing and suddenly your discussing something completely different. It's almost as if you are listening to yourself speak because the words are coming out before you feel you've even been given a chance to think them up.

Here's what ended up being said.  Sometimes our spiritual life hits points where we are functioning out of discipline as opposed to desire.  Discipline doesn't mean that the love is gone, it just means the the warm fuzzy feelings, for right now, are.  

Sometimes, while rare, I don't feel like focusing on being a mom. Sometimes I just feel like focusing on me.  I don't want the responsibility this day of anyone else apart from myself.  I don't want to have to think.  I just want to be off duty.  But just because that's what I feel it does not mean that I'm not going to get up and teach my kids, cook their meals, do their laundry or anything else to care for them this day.  It's just a day that I have to function out of what I know to do instead of what I feel like doing.

It also doesn't mean that I'm not functioning out of a heart of love, because I'm doing so out of discipline as opposed to desire. I also said to my mother that I believe that God honors both and possibly honor's discipline more.  It's easier to do something when the feeling is right, but to do what's right and what you know to do even when everything around you is screaming not to.  When the circumstances don't make sense.  When you can't see the forest for the trees.  When you feel like your the only one still in love and all the others have gone silent.  In that moment of discipline lies the developing of Character...

Let'em Off the Hook...

Relationships!  We've all got them.  We all struggle with them.  Whether it's a boyfriend or girlfriend, Mom or Dad, Sibling, Spouse, Children.  We struggle.

Compromise!  Compromise is one of those words that none of us like to hear when it's in reference to us having to do so.  Oh we'll whip it out in regards to someone else's life.  But don't say it in reference to mine.

Understanding!  Understanding is tricky.  Because we will allow for understanding in certain circumstances.  But when we've been hurt or emotionally challenged.  All attempts at understanding go out the window.

Since being back in NY I've had many relationships reintroduced back into my life that used to not be so close.  And by so close I mean so involved.  So there.  So in your face. Some relationships were already challenging even when at a distance.  So when the Lord chooses to now make them front and center again, I pay attention.  One of the things I've learned with having many relationships come, go and then come again, is that when the Lord takes them away or brings them back it's for a reason.  It's for a purpose.  It's all for your benefit and for His glory, if you'll let Him show you.

Since being back in NYC I've also learned some other things as well.  I've learned to look deeper than the surface.  I've learned that even in the most challenging of relationships you've got that relationship to teach you something.  Now I'm not talking about abusive or harmful relationships of that nature.  I am thankful to never have encountered such.  So I would never attempt to speak towards that.  But I have had my share of relational challenges to overcome.

I've also learned that there's always a story and that there's always more to the story.  I've learned not to respond or take things at face value.  Go deeper.

In this time back in the NYC, I've had an opportunity to work on relationships that have challenged me most of my adult life.  One of the things that I've learned is I'm not the only one that's hurt.  You know the old saying "hurt people hurt people".  It's true.  But we need to go deeper in that saying.

Someone very close to me said something to me this past week that made me realize something.  Even in the relationships that have been the most challenging to me, the person was giving me the best that they knew to give.  Wow!!  That one phrase was like the final puzzle piece for me.

See I'm not the only one that's been hurt.  Other's have as well and even though they may be aware that they were hurt all they can give to others is a better attempt at what they received.  And that better attempt is the love, is the care, is the relationship.

It's helped me understand so much more.  It's made me take a look at all my relationships that I've struggled with and it's liberated me from having to make sense of why they didn't respond to me how I thought they should.  It's freedom and I know it's just going to get better going forward.

So this this week in the spirit of Thanksgiving and a heart of understanding do those relationships a favor and...

Let'em Off the Hook!

Who Our Daddy Is...

So today my girls had their first dance class.  I was so excited to take them this morning, however getting there was going to be a little different then what we were used to.  We were going to have to take two city buses as opposed to just hopping in our car and zipping off.  Needless to say my girls were way more excited about it then I was because they have done this before with grandma. Twice before actually, so now they are pro's. It's been about 13 yrs since I've been on any kind of public transportation.  So they were more than happy to guide me in case I got lost or turned around. Lol!!

My father has been a bus driver for the NYC Transit Authority for over 30 years.  He is highly respected and well known amongst his peers.  I find that when I get on the bus there is this certain attitude that automatically overtakes me.  I feel more confident. I feel like the bus drivers need to be nice and respectful to me because if not I'll be sure and let my daddy know.  I feel like a person of importance because of who he is and because  of my relation to him.

I found myself somewhat surprised by this attitude only because up until the bus pulled up I had been nervous about traveling by myself with my girls.  But as soon as those doors opened and I saw the familiar uniform, there came the confidence.  I started thinking about this in regards to my heavenly Daddy.  What attitude should I have because of my relationship to Him?

I should have an attitude that reflects confidence.  I should have an attitude that says, you know what it doesn't matter what you do or say to me, my Daddy will take care of it.  I should feel like a person of importance.  Because of Who My Daddy Is!

Now I'm not talking about Arrogance or Pride.  I'm talking about a Confident Lifestyle.  My confidence on the bus comes from my knowledge of who my earthly daddy is.  The knowledge of his reputation as a trustworthy and respectable employee and person.  I know his characteristics.  I know his nature.  I know his ways.   

Now as we get to know our Heavenly Daddy and understand His ways, His nature, His truths this same confidence will automatically overtake us. I mean I'm talking about Our Daddy who owns all the cattle on a thousand hills.  So we know our provision is Set.  I'm talking about Our Daddy Who says that by His stripes we are healed.  So we know we don't have to accept a single diagnosis of anything that comes our way.  I'm talking about Our Daddy who says that His mercies are new every morning.  So we know that just because we didn't get it right yesterday My Daddy in His love, gives me the opportunity to try again.  I'm talking about Our Daddy who says He orders our steps and knows the plans He has for us.  So we don't have to tread in fear because He will use it all to His glory as long as we surrender.  I'm talking about Our Daddy who can heal with one touch of the hem of His garment.  Our Daddy who is our refuge and strength and an ever present help in times of trouble.  I'm talking about our Daddy who speaks and it is done.  Our daddy who conquered hell and the grave.  Our Daddy who took on our sin and suffered a death no words can describe all for the love of you and me.  And we get to call Him Daddy and Abba Father.

What can He not do?  Whom shall we fear?  What should we be worried about?  How can we not be confident in the truth.  In the truth of...

Who Our Daddy Is...

Click Here: Be Encouraged and Remember Who Our Daddy Is

Stand Out...

Matthew 25:40 -  And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’

First I just want to say I love our church.  We have such an amazing church family that has adopted us in during our stay here in the NYC.  This morning while I should have been sleeping I had the Tye Tribbett song "Stand Out" blaring in my mind.  I love love love this song.  Not to mention you can burn a quick 300 calories getting your dance on to it.  That's my jam. Lol!  But while Tye is talking about not conforming to this world in the area of compromising our beliefs and standing for the truth, the Lord kept hitting me with something else.  How much would we Stand Out if we truly reflected the love of Christ?

My grandmother was rushed back to the hospital Thursday afternoon.  It's been an emotional time for our family.  But what has made it easier is the love of Christ reflected through our church family.  The phone calls, text messages and emails of encouragement and prayers have been a true blessing.  But that's not all that they've done.  One member called me immediately after finding out and just prayed with me.  She, in the middle of her day, just dropped everything and just engaged in battle for my grandmother and for our family.  We both cried and prayed and cried and prayed.  I'm so thankful for her and the reflection of Christ love that she is.

Another one of our church members had let us know that if we needed her to watch the girls call her at any time.  It did not matter when.  Roger and I ended up having to leave for the hospital at midnight Friday morning.  So when we called she went right into action.  She got dressed and with nook in hand she was getting in her car at midnight (yes she had to work the next morning) to come and sit with our kids.  Just so Roger and I could be at the hospital with grandma.  The love of Christ.  

Another church member, who had been calling, texting and praying with us through out the day, called right before Roger and I left for the hospital and asked if we could pick her up on the way.  She wanted to be there with us.  I did mention that it was midnight right?  We did pick her up and she sat with us till almost 4 am.  Again, the love of Christ.

Another church member called Friday morning and simply offered to drive my mother where ever she needed to go for the day.  She sat with her at the hospital.  Gave my mom and grandmother some great laughs.  Went shopping for my grandmother.  Brought her a smorgasbord of food.  Then took my mother to run a few errands after leaving the hospital.  Once again, The love of Christ

But even in the midst of this all the phone calls, text messages and emails never stopped.  Still, The love of Christ.  I had many experiences in my life but this week will be unforgettable.  Yes, partly because of the emotion that comes with watching my grandmother transition  and being here to actually experience this with her.  But also because of the actions of the people I have listed above.  That's a life of surrender.  That's a life of obedience.  That's a life that desires to truly reflect Christ love.

I remember telling someone last week that I love how when we get out of church we stand in the street saying our goodbyes and kissing, hugging and saying our I love you's too each other.  The church is in a perfect location.  People are always on the street, standing on the corners or driving past.  They see all this going on.  The church "Stands Out".  Seeing the outpouring of love for each other makes them "Stand Out".  As well as the outpouring of love shown to people as the church members walk down the street and say hello and engage in conversation makes them "Stand Out".  The love of Christ is a life changing love.  That combined with the body of Christ in action is a beautiful thing.  So don't be afraid to "Stand Out".  We are called to do so.  Matthew 5:14-16 - “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.  

So do not conform,  do not compromise but in all things Serve Well and Love Well.  A life lived for, and reflective of Christ will always...

Stand Out...

Honesty...

It's been some what of a rough week.  This past Friday, 2 of our really good friends from TN came to visit.  It was a very quick few hour visit while they were in town for a work conference.  It ended much too soon and I miss them dearly.  Then Saturday my grandmother was rushed to the hospital.  She could barely breath and was unable to stand.  Sunday morning started out as a perfect morning in that all four members of our family were ready for church with time to spare.  That like never happens.  Just for us to get downstairs and discover that overnight someone had smashed our car window in.  Then the migraines.  Oh the migraines.  That's actually why I am up right now blogging at 12:10 am.  I've been in bed since 9:30 but can not sleep because of the intensity of this migraine.  I've had one almost everyday this week.  I've found that it's been very difficult to take my thoughts captive.

I think I've said before that this blog is totally the Lords.  I blog only when He releases me too.  This blog has been very healing for me and this is one of those times for honesty.  I write to heal.  It's not my soul desire to have a lot of followers or thousands reading daily.  It's just whatever God wants.  It's only a matter of obedience to me.  This blog was started as a step of faith.  Today that faith feels a little shaken.  God never promised us that anything in this life would be easy.  He just promised to be there every step of the way.  I'm missing a lot of things this week.  It's making for an emotional week.  It's hard when God removes the familiar to launch you into something better.  Especially when the better part doesn't happen immediately.  There's still a little bit more of a processing time before the download of the blessing can be complete.

I can hear the whisper of the Lord saying hold on my child, I am here.  Don't give up.  You are so close.  I've given up so many times before and refuse to let go of the hem of His garment.  I'm just having one of those times where I'm having to fight to believe that this is not forever.  That trials don't come to stay they come to pass.  That He that has started a good work in me is faithful to complete it until the day of Christ Jesus.  That there is no condemnation.  That nothing can separate us from His love.  That I am the head and not the tail.  That I'm pressed but not crushed, persecuted but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.  Remembering 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. These hard times are small potatoes compared to the coming good times, the lavish celebration prepared for us. There's far more here than meets the eye. The things we see now are here today, gone tomorrow. But the things we can't see now will last forever. MSG

So I'm letting it go.  I'm going to rest in His promises.  I'm going to rest because I can.  He's given me an exit strategy.  He's given me a get out of the mind jail free card.  It's found in.  Phillipians 4:6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  Also in Romans 8:26 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.  The battle is not ours, it's the Lords.  His shoulders are better equipped to handle it then mine.  So I think I'm going to let myself off the hook and plop down at the Father's feet and let it all go. 2 Corinthians 3:17 For the Lord is the Spirit, and wherever the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.  Then get up and with the grace of the Father Move Forward...

Thanks for listening and allowing me to be Honest.  I'm attaching a song that has always always encouraged me in times like this.  It just reminds me of how much the Father is in love with me.  In love with us.  In everything He does He is screaming that He loves us and this song is just such a great reminder of that.  Be blessed.

Cory Asbury - Everything You Do (Remember, He's In Love With Us)

Go Get It (A Personal Conviction)...

So today's blog is going to be a little different.  But I'm realizing it's definitely an act of Courage  This one is about accountability and support for me.  I've struggled with my weight on and off for most of my adult life.  Once I had my girls that catapulted me into pounds  that I never thought I would see.  At my heaviest I was 345 lbs.  Today I'm 316 lbs.  Better but definitely no where near where I should be at 34 years of age and a 5'10" frame.  Health has always been important to me.  I am very cautious with what I allow my kids to have and both have always been a healthy weight.  But I'm realizing that most of their healthy living has been based on a do as I say not as I do situation.  I can and need to do better.

Over the last couple of weeks I've been hit a lot in my spirit with a desire to take care of myself better.  What ever the Lord has purposed for my life it should be a desire of mine to keep myself healthy to achieve every goal He has for me.  I don't want to limit myself because of my packaging. I want to go where ever and do whatever the Lord desires  for me.

For my family I want to be an example.  My oldest knows that I'm obese and she's always making comments that let me know that she is concerned about my well being.  I don't want to cause my kids to ever worry.  But I know that they are concerned for me.  Also I  miss out on so much because of my weight.  I don't take pics with them as often as I should because I'm not happy with the way that I look.  They run and play and jump and I can't.  I'm tired of that.  I'm 34 and desire an active life with my family.

On top of that my weight has started affecting my health in many different areas.  From blood pressure to inflammation to swelling and an increase in migraines.  I'm done.  I'm tired of being robbed of life and living it to the fullest.  So it's time to start making some changes.

Hence why I'm blogging about it.  I said in the beginning of this blog I wanted accountability and support.  Every 2 wks I will post an update as to my progress.  Once a month I will post a new pic for you to see my progress.  If you don't see a post from me I plan to hear from you about it. =^)  Now don't go into attack mode on me.  This is a process and not the easiest thing to do.  But I'm determined to succeed.  I've always said I want to be my most fit and healthiest by the time I'm 40.  I will be 35 next month.  The time is now.

For the Lord God is our sun and our shield. He gives us grace and glory. The Lord will withhold no good thing from those who do what is right. Psalm 84:11.  I'm standing on God's promises for my life.  I am trusting that God will honor my heart's desire in this and help me achieve my goal of a healthier life.  Understand my goal is not to get skinny.  It's for a healthier life. I'm pursuing health first.  The weight loss is an added bonus.

Here's a pic of me of me at my current weight of 316 lbs.  Along with 3 of my reasons for giving it my all.  My family.  With God's help, my dedication, my family and your prayers and support this will be my last pic posted at 316 lbs.  Whoo hoo!!  

Also anyone who wants to go for this with me I welcome you to join me.  We can support each other and pray each other through this.  

Go Get It...

Surrender...

So all day Monday the Lord just kept repeating the word Surrender over and over in my head.  Nothing came along with it.  Just that word.  I figured there was something the Lord planned on showing me, so be on the look out.  But it wasn't going to come in a way that I was used to hearing from the Lord.  I looked up the definition and realized it has a very negative connotation to it. To give up into the power of another.  To give oneself over to something.  Who likes giving up control?   Later on that evening the Lord brought back to remembrance a song Roger and I used to sing that we've not sung in a while.  The words simply say the following:

Where You go I go

What You say I say, God

What You pray I pray

I decided to look up the song to see why the Lord brought this back to remembrance.  The first line of the verse was the answer I was looking for. It says, "How can I expect to walk without You.  When every move that Jesus made was in Surrender."  Every move that Jesus made was in Surrender.  So how have I gone through my life not realizing that surrendering is an every second of every day part of this Christian life.  Ok God, you've got my attention.  What else?

I went to bed and at about 3 am the Lord just started downloading examples of surrender in my life.  I'm going to share them with you exactly how He showed them to me.

1. I've been a germaphobe most of my adult life.  But about a year ago because of circumstances in my life my germaphobic tendancies became hightened.  The more out of control I felt the more I felt a need to clean, disinfect and organize.  I didn't like it.  I said Lord, for who I am and who you have called me to be for the kingdom these germaphobic tendancies have got to go.  I was willing to do whatever it took to release this over to the Lord.  Shortly after the Lord brought a lady into my life who needed help.  She, like me, due to situations in her life had allowed her home to get out of control.  She had only let 1 other person in to see it.  I offered to come over regularly and help her through the process of physically and emotionally letting go.  I decided to surrender and allow God to work through me in the life of this individual.  Because of that the Lord has blessed me with opportunities to love on some that might be deemed unloveable.  They may not smell good.  They may not be the cleanest.  But because I surrendered this behavior to God and seized His opportunity to be released from it, I don't think about anything else but hugging them, loving them and being a representation of Christ to them.

*Surrender Your Self Imposed Limitations*

2. Last week I was sick, tired and the enemy just said this is the ideal time to hit her with  (reality). lol!! I wasn't reading, praying of seeking the Lord like I should, so I just hung out in the valley.  By Saturday things started looking up or I should say I started looking up.  On Sunday my Pastor asked me to give a word on the prayer line Tuesday evening.  Here's the deal I could have said no because I didn't feel spiritual enough because of the week i just had.  But all last week the Lord kept popping up the scripture Trust in the Lord with all thy heart.  Lean not on your own understanding.  Trust and Surrender go hand in hand.  I know my Pastor asked me but who was really the one asking.  God presented me with the opportunity and I saw Him in that moment, not my Pastor.  I looked at him and said Ok, Ok.  God doesn't see what I see.  He doesn't require me to know everything.  He doesn't require that I feel spiritually adequate to do something for Him.  He just wants me to Surrender and to depend on Him.

You don't have to know all the answers.  The answers you need will be there when you need them and the answers that are not given would either hinder you if you had them or scare you because you are not at the appropriate level to receive them.  If the Lord presents you with an opportunity, know that you are already equipped for the task whether you feel it of not.

*Surrender any beliefs that you need to have all the answers before God can use you*

3. Florida, Oh Florida.  You know the story.  If not read my past blogs and you'll hear all about it.  The Lord just reminded me about our 2011 journey and finally being at a place where we were believing God for our best.  Our move to FL was going to be the start of great things. But instead we ended up back in NYC.  Now you have to understand all my life I swore to leave NYC and never move back.  I have never been a fan of The City.  So it was a devastating blow to believe for my best and be hit with what I felt was my worst.  But I had a' choice to make.  I could have gone with the woe is me, angry at the world, everyone does me wrong approach.  Or the I'm going to create my own opportunity come hell of high water and completely take God out of the equation method.  Because I've struggled with both many many times in my life.  But instead I chose to Surrender.  I told God that I wanted to choose joy in this place.  I know FL is for some point in my life.  But it's not my right now.  But this is and I trust you and receive all that you want to do and have for me here.  And ya'll the stuff He's been doing and showing and growing and maturing and stretching me in has all been so so so worth it.

*Surrender your desire to have God's will for your life look the way you think it should look*

4. The last one concerns what I mentioned a ways up.  God woke me up with the 1st example of these downloads at 3am.  At first I said, "I'll remember it when I wake up.  Then I said, "No, I've been down this road too many times to not know better."  I got up, grabbed my phone and started typing.  I wrote down the first example, laid back down and about 15 min later the next example came.  I got up and did the same.  About 15 min later the same thing happened and I responded the same way.  I got my phone and typed. I didn't argue.  I was tired.  But why would I dare limit what God wants to say to me or through me to my time frame.

*Surrender your need for comfortable obedience.*

I'm excited about living a life of surrender.  I'm excited that God is introducing me to the me He desires for me to be.  The me that He see's.  Allow Him to do the same for you.

Surrender...
If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your 
life go, you will save it. Luke 17:33 NLT

Put Down the Worry Wand...


Philippians 4:19 - And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.


I just need to give God praise in my blog post today.  I hope this encourages you to know how much in the palm of His hand you are.


If you've been reading this blog from the start you know this journey started with a physical move to Jacksonville, FL. you know that it's been a journey of faith and that Jacksonville was an outward manifestation of an inward journey that we are still very much on.  Even though we were in Jacksonville for 2 mos. and then the Lord brought us back to NY because of events beyond our control (we were robbed), we are still very much on the journey to Jacksonville and what Jacksonville represents to us personally according to what the Lord has shown us.  But that is not for today.  That's another post for another day.  Today I want to give God all my praise.  


Roger and I both have been unemployed since the end of January.  He had brief employment in J'ville in March.  But you know that was lost due to us being robbed.  I'm writing about this today because we had something happen yesterday  that was truly awesome and it made me realize that our family, even in these tough economic times, have wanted for nothing.  God has provided every step of the way.

Here's what happened.  This week financially things have kind of hit a low.  Nothing terrible.  It's just the type of thing where you feel the squeeze a little bit.  Anyway, praise God, Roger was hired to start a job this Saturday (Today).  By Thursday morning we realized we had no gas and no money to get any gas for him to get to work.  We also were suppose to be at church Thursday night.  In obedience to the Lord we drove to church Thursday night on E trusting he would provide.  You can see from my previous post we would have missed out on something amazing had we not been obedient.  We got to and from church with no problem.  According to His riches in Glory...


So that brings us to Friday.  Roger is due to start work Saturday and we still have no gas and no money for gas.  But if you would have seen us on Friday.  Even those who saw us at church on Thursday, you would have never known.  We've seen God's hand of provision over our family.  It came down to this.  If God provided this job for Roger, He would provide a way for Roger to get there.  Once we said that we never spoke about it again.  We just rested in the Truth that is our God.


Yesterday afternoon Roger received a phone call asking him to come downstairs because it was important.  He went down and when he came back up he handed me a card that was given to him.  The card read as follows:


Dear Sharkiesha and Roger
This has been on my heart now for a while, to sow more than words into your life.  I didn't know the form at first, it would take.  Then when I did, I didn't know the amount it would be.  Then when I did, I didn't know when.  But as I waited on the Lord He just kept revealing one step after another until it was done.  And so my children in Christ, I will sow $50 a month for gas.  I know this will help you and Roger in doing and getting to the place where you need to be.


There was more, but that's just for our family.  There was also $50.  When I called to say thank you and share what they had just done for our family, what I heard back was so awesome and why I had to write this today.  I was told " See what the Lord does when you choose to put down the worry wand and just trust."  It hit me once that was said that this was different.  When we received the money, I did not have this sensation of a load being taken off.  I did not feel that sigh of relief or like a burden had just been lifted.  It was different.  I felt like I finally understood an attitude of expectation.  Philippians 4:19 - And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.  We expected for God to come through if this was His will for our lives.  So why worry.  We've learned in this journey to surrender it all to Him.  If it's for us it will be.  If it's not something better is in store.  So what's the point in fretting.


I wanted to share this with you today first and foremost to give God all the glory because He is so so worthy.  But then I also wanted to encourage you. Cast all your care upon Him, because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).  He truly does.  He's aware of your every need.  He knows your needs better than you do.  So completely release whatever it is to Him.  Trust the one who knows the plans He has for you and says they are to prosper you and not harm you.  They are to give you a future and a Hope (Jeremiah 29:11).  Hold on to every part of that verse.  Don't lose Hope.  Psalm 37:25 tells us that the righteous will never be forsaken, not his descendants begging bread.  So choose Hope and Peace and...

Put Down the Worry Wand...

Let My Life Be the Proof...

So I said in my last blog post that I would probably have more to say about understanding that we are a spirit in a body as opposed to vice versa.  I honestly believe that the Lord is going to be revealing more and more about this in the days to come,  because it's rocked my world.

I'll give you an example.  Tonight we had prayer at church.  I honestly did not feel like going.  After school with the girls and house work I was just worn out.  But I had not felt that way until the only thing left for me to do for the day was to go to church.  I had been alert and awake  all day until it was time to go to church.  I went back and forth in my head about whether I should go or stay home.  Did my spirit need rest or to be refreshed?  This is a new way of questioning for me since the Lord speaking about us being spirit first.  I decided to go with refreshed and not to give in to the fatigue of my body.  I'm so glad I did.  

It was rough getting out of the door.  Attitudes started rising up among our family.  Complaints started happening.  Roger looked at me and said "If the enemy is making it this hard for us just to get there, I wonder what awaits tonight."  We got in the car and that's when everything was different.  

You know how us Christians will say look with your spiritual eyes, not your natural eyes.  Or when confronted by a negative person someone will say don't look at the person, look at the spirit behind the person.  Well when you don't live you life spirit first, what does any of that mean?  Today I rode to church and it hit me that all of us, believer and unbeliever are spirit first.  The unbeliever's spirit just currently resides in a rebellious body.  I was so deeply saddened by this that when I got to church it was all I could feel.  I was grieved within my spirit.  There was no plan for me to speak at church but the Lord had a different plan.  He had a sister ask me if I had anything to share and this is what  ended up coming forth tonight within our group.

My spirit ached for the other spirits out there held captive in an unbelieving vessel.  If you see yourself and others as spirit first, it changes your perspective on being a witness.  It gives you the ability to be an effective witness.  Because you then see how our battle is not against flesh and blood.  When the Lord leads you into an opportunity to witness, console, love on or forgive, you have a better understanding of how to do so correctly because you are dealing with the spirit of that person.  That's what responds.  That's why we have to be sensitive and obedient to the spirit.  Because these moments are so important.

Living a life where the spirit is in charge does cause a difference in you.  I think that's why when the world looks at us currently they no longer see much of a difference.  We've got to get this right.  We've got to become kingdom minded people again.  Do we really desire for God to be first and all that comes with that choice?  I'm not talking about  the looking perfect, make sure your always in your Sunday best, Squeaky clean image, never seen without a smile fake kind of stuff.  I'm talking about genuine love, genuine compassion, genuine joy, unwavering obedience and serving. When you live in the spirit and the spirit is truly in control this just flows.  

I'm tired of being a christian with no power.  I'm tired of get caught up in the things of this fallen world.  I'm tired of choosing this place everyday as my home when the bible tells me it's not.  I'm tired of accepting the lies of the enemy about who I am because I'm comparing myself to so and so and so and so.  I'm tired of my mind wreaking havoc on my life.  I'm making a choice to live who I AM.  Spirit first.  It's a new day.  A new mind set.  I love the Lord with every ounce of my being.  I am who He says I am.  It's time to get back to basics.  Learn the word, Search the word.  See what He says about life in the spirit and  decide to follow.  It's time for the world to see a difference in us and start desiring what we've got instead of us desiring what they've got.

Let Our Lives Be the Proof...

Spirit Starved or Spirit Led...

Romans 8:6 - The mind governed by the flesh is death, but mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.

First I want to start out by saying that this blog is strictly about things I'm learning on this journey called life.  I never want anyone to feel like I'm casting judgement or shame.  I am literally writing what I myself am learning from day to day.  I am passionate about the people of God discovering their fullest potential and complete freedom in Christ.  

With that said last night the Lord started speaking to me about life in the Spirit and what it should look like.  It wasn't a full thought just a little mini download that started me thinking that it would probably be my next blog post.  A few hours later I came and sat outside with my husband, who is not known for being much of a talker.  But last night while I sat in silence, which is something I'm not known for being, lol,  he just started talking to me about a starved Spirit.  I knew this was just a confirmation of what the Lord had started revealing to me.

Here's what I'm thinking about.  We do so much on a regular basis to take care of our fleshly body.  We feed it when it's hungry.  Bathe it when it's dirty.  Sleep when it's tired.  Vacation when it needs rest.  We lose ourselves in games or tv when we need to decompress.  Throw in a little bit of shopping therapy to make us feel better.  We'll even bungie jump to feel a sense of being alive again.  We do what we need to do to make sure our fleshly body feels good and is not deprived.  We live a life where our brain and common sense is in control, but what about a spirit controlled mind?  What would that look like?  Maybe that's why some of us in Christ feel lost or have no direction.  Who's been doing the leading?

Have we forgotten the fact that we are a spirit first before a fleshly body?  Just think about that for a second.  You ARE a spirit in a fleshly body. I just wonder if we actually got this and the power that is in that truth how much would it impact our lives.  What if we lived spirit first?  What if it was more of a priority to take care of our spirit first over our fleshly man? What would that look like?  I know for me just this thought alone has already given me a different perspective on how I live this life from day to day.  I think if we got this right the things that we do for our fleshly body would even improve beyond what we are currently doing.  

But even beyond that.  For the Kingdom of God.  What if we lived the way we were suppose to, spirit first.  What would that look like for the kingdom?  Maybe less of a desire to take care of ourselves first and more of a desire to help our fellow man.  Maybe a deeper love for God, family, ourselves and friends than we ever thought possible.  Maybe a more satisfied life, because I think a lot of us right now are not satisfied with our current life and are trying things to make our bodies and minds feel better while our spirit continues to starve.  Maybe then when we say God may you increase and I decrease, we could truly mean it and live it.

I have a feeling I'll be writing about this some more, because this has really changed mine and Roger's perspective on so much.  Maybe we are just late and everyone else has perfected a truly spirit led life.  But I don't think that's the case.  I think if we really thought long and hard about us as a spirit it would revolutionize our entire thought process and how we live from day to day.  So I'm going to leave you with this.  Here are 2 verses among many that give us an idea of what a spirit led life should look like. 

Colossians 3:1-2 - Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not earthly things.

1 Corinthians 2:14-16 - But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.  But he who is spiritual judges all things, yet he himself is rightly-judged by no one.  For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct Him?  But we have the mind of Christ.

Just think about it and answer these question for yourself.  What does your life look like if you saw yourself as a spirit first in a fleshly body as opposed to a body with a spirit?  What is your spirit in need of?  You've now been informed that it is the priority, not your fleshly man.  So you now know it is of utmost importance to take care of yourself...Spirit!  Has it been starving or has it been leading?  Who's really been in charge? It's time to stop neglecting who we truly are.

Be Spirit Led not Spirit Starved...